


Valiant

by SunniMint



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Brotherly Bonding, Disaster Twins, Doctor Donatello (TMNT), Donatello and Leonardo (TMNT) are Twins, Family Feels, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Hurt Leonardo (TMNT), Hurt/Comfort, I hope everyone is ready for a ride, I love that Donnie and Leo are twins, Insecure Leonardo, Sibling Bonding, Will add more as I go, but not very descriptive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25943842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunniMint/pseuds/SunniMint
Summary: An accident with a portal leaves Leo with one less leg to stand on.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & April O'Neil & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 318





	1. Master and Novice

It started out as normal as any other day.

Raph was down in the arcade, trying to beat Donnie’s record in Dance Dance Revolution. Mikey was honoring his namesake and was no doubt painting the next Mona Lisa to put Leo’s own namesake to shame. Donnie, without a question, was locked up in his lab, already making blueprints for his next invention.

That left Leo to his lonesome. Of course, he could very well join Raph and his brave effort to beat the record- and maybe make it a bit more difficult for Raph to concentrate, or add his own creative ideas to Mikey’s brilliant artistic mind, or simply annoy Donnie to the point where his twin promised to leave his ashes in a dumpster behind a McDonald's parking lot. Those were all admittedly very fun options, but Leo wanted to work on something different.

The ōdachi shone brightly in his hand, the blade reflective as the image of his own face was plastered on it.

He pressed his face against the blunt side and cooed, "Alright baby, don't fail me."

He took a deep breath, raised the sword away from him, and proceeded to strike wide into the air. Nothing happened. Just like the last couple of times he tried to do it.

Still, he swung his sword over and over, frustration growing when not a hint of blue cackle emitted from the blade. He can do this. He knew he could. All those times he's used it in the middle of a fight or when pushed into a corner where he had no other choice but to use the ōdachi.

Heck, Raph and Mikey had zero issues controlling their weapon, so why was Leo struggling? Why can't he just control the darn sword and open portals? It would make things so much easier! His brothers can rely on him for a swift escape route or to get somewhere quick in an instant. They'd fall all over him if he can open portals as easy as breathing.

But he couldn't do it when he actually tried to practice.

…Will he ever be able to control it?

“Leo?”

Hearing his name, he quickly wiped off the glum frown. He wore a wide grin as Mikey pounced over curiously, hands matted with dry paint.

"Were you randomly attacking the air?" Came Mikey’s befuddled question.

Leo paused, “Yes? I mean, no. I was, uh, just letting off some steam! It’s driving me a little crazy, being here and all when we could be having fun in the Hidden City or beat up some bad guys."

“I know what you mean,” bless his heart, Mikey wholeheartedly believed him, “we were home all day yesterday too but at least dad spent the day with us. He patted my head too! Even though he called me Red."

Yeah, Splinter was like that. Leo, charmed by the innocent smile, patted Mikey’s head too. An idea came to him suddenly and he perked up, no longer feeling the heavy weight of his failures with the ōdachi.

"Hey, why don't we go out and do our awesome ninja parkour? We can eat pizza at Senor Hueso after too."

Mikey beamed with the full intensity of the sun but deflated soon after, "With what money? Dad hasn't given us our allowance yet."

Leo smirked and threw an arm around Mikey’s shoulders. He took out a spare twenty dollar bill he kept hidden inside his shell and waved it in front of his little brother’s awed face.

"I nicked this from Don's piggy bank."

"The one he has named World Domination Funds? How did you steal it? Donnie has booby traps after booby traps to protect that piggy!"

"A secret," Leo winked, "besides, I did it for a good cause. Imagine a world ruled by Donnie?"

Mikey pursued his lips, "Actually, Dee promised I could be his second-in-command, so I one hundred percent support his campaign."

"Seriously? What is this favoritism? He promised me to not throw me in jail for my amazing one liners. I'm his _twin_ , I should be like, right up there with him, co-equals and all."

"Maybe if you stop stealing from him, it would help."

Leo waved the twenty dollar buck ferociously, "Are you saying you don't wanna eat pizza?"

Mikey shook his head, offended by the question, "I could never!"

Hook, line, and sinker.

Leo grinned, "Then let's go and have some fun!"

*

Jumping through the city of New York always gave him a sense of thrill. Nothing made it better save perhaps, having all of his brothers with him. But it's fine. As soon as he and Mikey were done gobbling up this box of pizza, he'll be bringing back one for Raph and Donnie.

And his brothers called him selfish. Pfft.

Leo happily munched on a delicious slice of extra cheesy pizza and choked on it immediately when he noticed a certain someone walked into the restaurant. He swiftly kicked Mikey’s shin under the table and his little brother yelped in pain, a content smile exchanged for an angry pout.

“Leo, what the fudge balls-”

“Shush! Big Mama at eight o’clock.”

Mikey nearly screamed but Leo had the foresight to slam his palm over his little brother’s loud mouth. They both squeezed into their booths, glued against the wall, and brought up the pizza tray to hide their faces as Big Mama and her companion walked past them.

Leo sighed in relief as they went unnoticed. He really didn’t want to pick a fight with a humanoid mutant who can shift to a big scary creepy spider. Especially since she hated their guts. They both watched warily as she was seated in the smack middle.

“What are we gonna do?” Mikey whispered nervously, “what if she sees us? I don’t wanna fight Big Mama, she still gives me nightmares!”

“Don’t worry Mikey, we just gotta blend with the crowd, and we’re good at that. As soon as bone man gives us our to go pizza, we are outta here.”

The orange clad ninja calmed down at the reassurance and instead pondered as they both kept a keen eye on Big Mama. She was oddly dressed up and so was her companion, a giant wolf man with very sharp canine teeth.

“I wonder who she’s with,” Mikey said, rubbing his chin in wonder.

“Who cares. Probably another one of her minions.”

“Or,” Mikey’s eyes widened, like a light bulb went off in his head, “she’s here on a date!”

Leo couldn’t help it. He choked again, on his own saliva no less. Mikey patted his back, vehemently whispering to stop choking and attracting attention, which, uh, rude. Leo can’t help it if he choked.

“Mikey,” he finally said after composing himself, “that’s disgusting. This is Big Mama, big creepy spider with icky web. Who would ever date _that_?”

“If it was true love, looks wouldn’t matter.”

“Remind me to never let you watch The Notebook again. I don’t need your head to be filled up with unrealistic romance.”

“Hey!”

Before they could argue, Leo was filled with joy to see Senor Hueso approaching their table with the pizza in tow. Usually, Leo would start a small conversation- after all, being kept updated about mutants and the hidden city was always good to know, but he wanted nothing more than to leave the place. To leave it intact, that is.

So he promptly thanked the bone man, snatched the pizza and left the money in bone man’s front pocket, and gestured at Mikey. They hastily booked it out of there like their tails were on fire. It would have been a success, if Mikey hadn’t bumped into an unfortunate familiar enemy steps away from the exit.

Leo saw the nametag first. Gus, in giant bold letters, attached to a collar. Said collar was attached to the menacing mutant super powered dog, who growled at Mikey.

“Watch where you’re going!”

“Sorry,” Mikey all but squeaked.

Gus narrowed his eyes, “Hey wait a second….”

Welp. That was their cue.

"Run!" Leo ordered, and dragged Mikey through the entrance.

They both made haste, taking the roof like the natural born ninjas they were. They ran far enough to chase them off their tails. Leo sneaked a glance backwards, pleased to see nothing but vibrant lights and the beautiful sight of the city and most importantly, no enemies chasing them.

"Phew, we made it out in one piece!" Mikey cheered.

Leo high fived his brother, matching Mikey’s bright smile.

“Come on, we should head back home. If we stay out any later, Raph’s big brother tendencies are gonna jump out in full swing. Especially since I brought you with me.”

As if on cue, Mikey’s phone started vibrating loudly. Leo all but grinned at being proven right when Raph’s contact picture lit up in the darkness.

Mikey scowled but sighed eventually and answered the call, “Hey Raph, we’re on our way home….no, you don’t need to come and get me….yes, I have my kusari-fundo….okay Raph, we’ll be safe, goodbye!”

Leo leaned on the hilt of his ōdachi, “I was right, wasn’t I?”

Mikey pouted and just said, “Let’s go home.”

*

Leo’s mildly surprised when Donnie doesn’t outright ambush him. So, Leo really did escape unnoticed by all those booby traps Donnie set for his piggy bank. He let out a small ‘hell yeah’ when Donnie turned his back to him. Said brother had immediately taken the pizza, sat on the table, and started eating immediately.

Leo was not surprised to see Raph fuss over Mikey, who swatted him out of annoyance. Happy to see Mikey uninjured, Raph turned his sights on him.

“Leo, why didn’t you tell anyone you two were heading out?”

“What? I thought Mikey told you.”

Leo looked at his little brother meaningfully, grinning slightly when Mikey played along.

“I thought you were gonna text them.”

Leo shrugged nonchalantly, “Oops. Oh well, we’re home now and with food! I asked for extra pepperoni too! Just for you.”

Raph grumbled but let the matter go as he too sat by the table and started shoving a pizza slice into his mouth.

Leo let them be, intent on retreating to his room.

He’ll practice portaling next week.

*

Leo lied to himself.

He stood on the tallest rooftop, on the very edge, observing the silent night of the city. It was way past midnight and no doubt his brothers were deep asleep, hence why it was so easy to sneak out. Sometimes, he envied the simplicity of his brothers, they didn’t struggle to sleep, they weren’t awake for odd hours of the night. Insomnia could be a total downer. But the thing that made it worse, was thinking of all the insecurities his brain liked to remind him of.

Like his issue with using the mystical powers of the ōdachi.

He inhaled deeply and raised his sword.

If he couldn’t open portals the normal way, then it was time for drastic measures.

He exhaled shakily. It was crazy, of what he was thinking of doing, of what he wanted to do.

But…

He didn’t like feeling useless.

Raph was the strongest fighter, he can tackle any foe and with his tonfas and the mystical power wielded with it? He’s practically unbeatable. Mikey was the most agile among them and most creative, and of course his kusari-fundo allowed him the flexibility to attack at random with mystic powers allowing him to glide over the fight and burned anyone who got too close. Donnie had no need for any of the mystic weapons they found, his twin was a genius already, that high tech-bo capable of anything and everything, and brilliant at spotting the enemy’s weakness.

Compared to his brothers; Raph, the leader and hero, Donnie, the genius who far surpassed any scientist, and Mikey, the optimistic and heart of the team, what did Leo have to offer at the table? His one liners? Was that all he was? The funny guy of the group with a well timed joke for their opponents?

He wanted to do more. He wanted to pull his weight. He wanted to be strong, strong enough to protect his family.

That’s why he’s willing to go to the extreme lengths to control the mystical powers of the ōdachi.

It’s that focused resolve, the faith and stubbornness, that has him decide his next action.

He jumped off the rooftop.

For one terrifying second, he lost himself. The weight of what he had done, the incoming ground so far away yet so close, the repercussions of his consequences, the flattened body his family will find.

And just as quickly, he managed to regain himself.

The wind bit at his skin, harsh and cold. His grip on the hilt hadn’t lessened and he swung in the familiar pattern to pull forward the portal.

None came forward. No cackle of blue sparkles.

He gritted his teeth and tried again. Again. Again. Again, and again.

The pavement of the road was drawing closer. His heart raced fast, the determination wavering, the confidence slipping.

For his family, he will master this damn thing and come home _alive_.

It felt like that was all he needed when he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and swung.

He knew it worked the moment he hadn’t collided against rock solid concrete.

He opened his eyes.

The other side of the portal shifted his fall. Gravity weighed him down as he stumbled on his legs to another rooftop, disoriented at the swift change from a fall to a vertical one.

He laughed weakly and fell on his knees, the ōdachi abandoned for a moment. His laughter grew louder and he grabbed at his sides, so, so _relieved_ he was breathing in one piece.

The moment passed and he jumped to his feet. He grinned wildly as he picked up the ōdachi. He went into the familiar stance, body trained to accommodate the sword with the practice Splinter had given him. There was nothing holding him back, no doubt surfacing at the back of his mind, only the warmth of his family lingering.

He swung the sword in a circle and another portal opened, just as easy as breathing, as eating and living. He jumped through and yelled in delight as the other side revealed the Hidden City, mutants traversing through the night.

Eager to see how far he could take it, he swung the sword again and didn’t hesitate to jump again.

A dark ocean sea awaited him and sand gathered around his feet. He cackled happily, never before having seen a beach, and he managed to pull it off with the thought of his brothers landing in Tahiti when he had used it that one time. This could only mean he had done it, he was the one in Tahiti.

Freaking _awesome_.

Where else could he go? The Eiffel Tower?

With a grin that had yet to subside, he created another portal. He hollered in joy when he found himself right in _front_ of the giant historical tower.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa. The Statue of Liberty. Alaska. The Saharan Desert. The Amazon forest. The ōdachi obeyed dutifully, taking him to each and every place he could remember from reading or seeing online.

More pictures came to mind, more places, more locations. Anywhere. Everywhere.

He swung again, no clear destination in mind. He didn’t _need_ one.

Yet, as he jumped through, the other side was completely dark. He hesitated, one leg in the portal as he took in the new surroundings.

Of course, that’s when the portal closed.


	2. Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's crying hours.

The pain doesn’t register at first.

Leo numbly looked down to the limb the portal closed on. 

Where was the lower half of his right leg? Why was there nothing after his knee? Where was his calf? His foot?

Why was there so much _blood_?

It felt like hours passed as the slow realization dawned in. The shock settling in, drowning him under as his body failed to understand the sudden loss of a limb. 

His leg was gone. The portal closed and took his leg with it. 

Red splattered on the dark ground, a sharp vivid contrast.

He recoiled badly and fell harshly on his backside, landing on the abyss of the darkness.

He needed to leave. He needed to leave _now_.

His hands quivered as he swung the sword. Nothing happened. His eyes widened, arms shaking, and breath coming out in short pants. 

Fear crept up his spine, merciless and daunting. He pushed through the haze that wanted to consume him and used the last bit of his resolve, of his energy tainted with desperation, and swung the ōdachi with a force he never had before.

Blue glowed in the darkness.

He wasted no time, getting on his knees. The discomfort ached yet he bared through it and raised himself on his lone leg with nothing but pure survival instincts backing him up. He used the sword to stay steady and pushed himself to jump.

Home greeted him with a warm embrace, the comfort licking away the coldness of the dark void he left. He struggled to stand, feeling weak, and used the ōdachi once more to support himself, his body off balanced without the weight of the limb no longer attached. The remnants of shock poured in him like a rainfall, heavy and forced.

The lights suddenly flickered on and he squinted, blinking away the white dots, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness.

Mikey stared at him, a glass of water held in his little brother’s hand.

Leo tried to plaster on a smile. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t.

The security blanket finally lifted and an overbearing ache fostered where his leg used to be. Searing white hot pain overtook the halve limb.

The last thing he saw was Mikey’s frightened face, mouth moving too fast to read his lips, as he succumbed to unconsciousness. 

*

Leo blearily opened his eyes, struggling against the heavy eyelids. He was barely aware of his surroundings. He heard distant voices and he weakly turned, vision blurry as a big figure invaded his sight, a mesh of red and green.

Disorientated as he was, he can never mistake his brothers. That was Raph.

Raph edged closer and the blurriness cleared enough to see his big brother’s overly worried expression and tear stained cheeks. Leo wanted to ask what was wrong, for surely something terrible must have happened if Raph looked that upset.

Orange peeked from the corner of his eye and in joined Mikey, whose eyes were teary and rimmed red, evidence of a full on sob. Why was Mikey crying? Who _made_ Mikey cry?

“ _Leo._ ”

Leo frowned, turning away to see purple, to see Donnie. The genius looked like he was crying too. Dimly, Leo wondered if one of Donnie's inventions blew up in his face. Donnie was always overly dramatic when it came to his machines. 

There was a nibbling bite at the back of his mind that told him it wasn't that. It had to be something serious. 

Because all of his brothers were crying.

Why were they crying? 

Furry. Something furry pulled Donnie back. Splinter.

Splinter held a grave face and looked at Donnie. Splinter said something. Donnie bit his lips and nodded.

Leo was lulled back to sleep.

*

The second time Leo awakened, his throat felt dry, no moisture intact. He licked his lips, hoping for some sort of relief, anything to combat the sudden dryness. He shifted, idly wondering why he was in the infirmary and slowly sat up, fully intending to grab a bottle of water when he froze suddenly. 

Bandages, matted with dry blood, covered what was left of his leg. 

Leo swallowed. It wasn't a nightmare. It was a crushing reality, a hard truth.

Warm scrawny fingers grasped his arm. Leo startled, snapping to whoever was touching him.

"My son, I am glad to see you awake." 

Splinter spoke with such overwhelming warmth, eyes kindled with kindness, and presence full of comfort.

Leo couldn't hold it in. He tugged Splinter forward and clutched the old man's robes.

Leo began to sob. He cried and hiccuped. Most of all, he mourned. He mourned for the lost limb forever gone. 

Splinter held him tight, even as his tears drenched through the robe, onto the fur. He felt like a kid, crying to his father about a sprained ankle or newly formed bruise. Only this was worse, much worse, because his father can't reassure him what is already lost.

The heaviness of the situation still dragged his whole being down even as he ceased crying. He let go of his old man's robes and sat there, shoulders slumped and ashamed.

"Where…" his voice was hoarse and Splinter tenderly handed him a cup of water. Leo eagerly took the cup, drinking the water as if it was ambrosia. 

The cup empty of its contents, he asked quietly, "Where is everyone?"

"Your brothers are all asleep," Splinter answered, "They tried to stay up for you, but it became clear you wouldn't wake up anytime soon. I forced them to their bed. Though I suspect they've all taken to sleep just outside the door. You gave us all quite a scare."

The bobbed in his throat felt heavy to swallow. 

"I'm sorry." 

"There is nothing to apologize for," Splinter said firmly.

Leo bowed his head, "It's my fault this happened- I- I thought- the ōdachi- the portal- it closed-" he cut off, unable to speak of it, unable to come to terms with it.

Splinter squeezed his hand and said slowly, "You have made a mistake and I am sorry you paid for it that way. I stand by what I said, there is nothing to apologize for. You could not have foreseen this."

The heaviness in his shoulder lifted slightly and he squeezed back.

"What happens now?" Leo asked hesitantly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"For now, you need your rest," Splinter replied, "Your eyes are drooping. Sleep a bit more my son. I will have food ready for the next time you're up."

Leo didn't like the uncertainty, the vagueness of his fate. But Splinter was right. His head felt a bit light headed and if his old man said he needed sleep, then that's what he needed. 

Splinter hadn't uttered a single word when Leo laid back down and continued to hold his father's hand as he knocked out.

*

The third time Leo awakened, it's easier to sit up. What wasn't easier, was seeing his right leg. At some point, someone must have changed the bandages because there was no blood in sight. 

He's not alone either. 

Donnie was hunched over a desk that wasn't there the last time he was up. His twin madly scribbled, intensely concentrated on whatever contraption he had envisioned in that smart mind of his.

"I'm sure world domination can wait Donnie," Leo started, amused as Donnie scoffed.

"World domination can never wait," Donnie said reflexively, still not looking up, "Not like you can understand Leo-" 

Donnie halted his writing and swiftly turned to him. The genius was gobsmacked, wide eyed. Leo cracked a tired smile.

That did it.

Donnie removed himself from the desk and wasted no time to gather him in his arms. Leo found himself being squeezed against the other’s plastron.

"You're awake," Donnie said, his normally apathetic voice tinged with emotion, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you _awake_."

Leo chuckled lightly and tried for a joke, "Never thought I'd hear you say those words to me."

Suddenly, Donnie pulled away. Leo blinked, seeing the genius give him a face full of complex emotions.

"Don't you _ever_ do that to me, to all of us! How could you!? You portaled in bleeding all over the floor and y-your l-leg." 

"I still have my other leg," he said, laughing it off. Can he be blamed for it? Humor is the way he coped.

Donnie didn’t let him and said in a pained voice, "Leo, this is no time to joke. You _almost died_."

Leo felt a lump form in his throat. 

"I…wha…" He trailed off, not sure how to respond to _that_.

"We put you on a table and you were _dying_ ," Donnie explained softly, "you were losing blood, and even when we- when I got you to stop bleeding, you had lost too much. Dad said you needed blood, so Raph and Mikey gave theirs.”

Leo felt an overwhelming urge to cry, simply for what he put his family through.

“I tried to give you mine’s too, but Pops needed me to care for you. He didn’t know how to transfer blood or to- your leg…”

In other words, Donnie had played doctor. Both of them knew that wasn't his brother’s specialty. And yet, it fell onto Donnie's shoulders because he was smart, because he could make the call, because he thought more logically than emotionally. That explained why the genius had all but embraced him tightly. Leo lived under Donnie’s care.

“If you had died, it would have been my fault,” Donnie said in a small voice and Leo absolutely refused to let his genius of a brother think like that.

“I’m alive Donnie, and it’s because of you. You saved my life. Now I owe the biggest debt in the world to you. I guess this means I can't prank you."

Leo’s smile widened when Donnie scoffed, the telltales sign of amusement peeking through the broken expression. 

“I just told you you almost died and this is what you have to _say_? You insensitive jerk.”

“You’re right, I did almost die. That means I have pity favor. I want the first slice of every pizza from now on. Also, you’re officially my servant.”

This time, he got an incredulous laugh for his efforts. But it was a genuine laughter nonetheless and it almost made it feel like things were back to normal. Almost, but not really, he grimly thought.

“I can’t believe I cried over you.”

“Should have just left my ashes at the McDonald’s parking lot. Missed opportunity if you ask me.”

Donnie snorted weakly at that and the genius stepped back.

“I’m gonna tell the family you’re up. Bit of a fair warning, Mikey will probably cling to you for the rest of the day.”

Mentioning their little brother, Leo winced. 

Donnie was immediately on alert, “What’s wrong? Does your leg hurt? Hold on, let me check your vitals.”

“No! No, nothing like that Don. I just feel bad. Mikey…he was the one who found me first…I hate that I probably scared him out of his mind at the time.”

“…it was Mikey’s scream that woke us all up, and as terrible as it sounds, I’m glad it was him. We were able to get you on a table and work on you fast.”

With that, Donnie left. Leo dropped the smile.

He took in a shaky breath and mentally tried to prepare himself to smile for the rest of his family. He dutifully ignored the spot where his limb should have been.

*

Donnie was right, as his twin tended to be.

Leo grinned broadly and wrapped his arms around Mikey’s waist. His little brother had barged in, crying out of pure joy and smiling as brightly as the sun at the sight of him. Raph shed a tear too, trying to stay strong. That facade ended pretty quick when the huge softie loudly exclaimed his delight and was super gentle when it was his turn to hug. His brothers happily settled onto chairs on either side of the bed he was on.

"So, I hear I have both of your blood running through my veins," Leo stated casually, "I have never felt so close to you guys now."

"This means we're officially blood related," Mikey eagerly proclaimed, "that's how it works right?" 

Leo had zero idea but he definitely wasn't going to curb Mikey’s enthusiasm. 

"Of course, but we never needed that to confirm we're family. I mean, April is family and she's human. So is pops, even if he’s a rat." 

Raph nodded, "Leo's right, and besides, it wouldn't be fair to Donnie. He didn't give his blood." 

"He may not have but he did save my life. Think he can forgive me for stealing from his piggy bank?" Leo conspiringly asked.

"After what Donnie did for _you_ , you're lucky he hasn't buried you alive for all the stress you caused him."

"I'm like 99% sure he's still going to do that." 

They laughed and Leo felt warmth spread in his chest. He's glad he can do this. Anything to keep them happy, he'll do.

Raph looked him in the eyes, "Seriously Leo, how are you?" 

Except answering that truthfully. 

Leo kept strong. He never wavered. 

He smiled and said, "Never better." 

"Really? What about…" His big brother couldn't even finish the question, just glanced pitifully at the empty spot where his limb should be.

Leo's smile was strained, "It's okay. One less leg won't bring _me_ down. It'll take a lot more than that."

Something flashed too quick in Mikey’s eyes, Leo thought he must have imagined it as his little brother softened, his childish innocence rising through roofs, "I'm glad you're handling it Leo. But we're here for you. We'll help you with whatever you need. No one is going anywhere." 

Leo gulped subtlety and answered with a grin, "Well in that case, I'm depending on you to prank the others for me Mikey."

Raph frowned, but it was nothing serious, Leo could tell there was a smile hiding underneath it. 

Mikey held no such qualms and smiled toothily, bringing his hands up to cup his cheeks, "I am _so_ ready to start. I've always wondered how you managed to dye pop's fur blue that one time!"

Leo kept grinning. 

Anything to keep them happy.

*

True to his word, Splinter cooked up an amazing soup for dinner. Something his father hasn't made since they were _kids_. 

Leo would have been happy to have them all eating together eating Splinter’s special soup but…

No one let him breathe comfortably. 

Raph kept asking if he was okay. Mikey constantly went overboard and brought him soda, salt, his phone, and anything he thought Leo would need. Donnie was more subtle but there was no denying the questions if he felt any discomfort or pain. 

Splinter was the only one who treated him like it was another day at home. Something Leo treasured because his brothers felt like they were suffocating him. 

If he thought he had it bad before, it was worse this time. He had bared through the slight pain when Donnie brought him a pair of crutches to stand on. His brothers had hovered around him when he had slowly walked to the table, intent on doing this by himself.

It was hard to tamper down the immense negative emotion pulling at his strings. The feel of ineptitude. Of being _useless_.

None of his brothers let him be until he was sat down and scooted closer to the table. 

Leo loved his brothers, he'd die and kill for them. They were all ride or die and Leo would fight to the ends of the world to keep them safe. 

But now…

He can't do a single damn thing and he hated that more than anything. 

*

Leo told his brothers he was fine, he didn't _need_ them to stay at his side, to sleep together and cuddle in his room, in his bed. He hadn’t wanted to stay in the infirmary, and he damn well tried his hardest to climb the makeshift stairs out of whatever Mikey found because he wasn’t going to let Raph pick him up like some damsel in distress. It was tiresome, more of a big reminder of what he doesn’t have _anymore_ , but it sure was satisfying to make it to his room.

Still, it had irked Leo to reject the offer. Maybe, before- before _this_ \- he would have happily wrangled his brothers with cuddles.

Now, he wanted nothing more than to be left alone so that he could wallow in his own misery, in his own failures. 

He bravely faced his right leg. He hasn’t…he hasn’t seen what was left of it. The bandages stayed firmly wrapped.

He fists his hands. He doesn’t think he’s ready to see it. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready.

What he does instead is test what he can feel from the remaining leg. He can move his right leg, muscle flexing as he took care not to agitate it any further. But whereas he can bend his knee with his left leg, twist his ankle, wiggle his toes, and tighten the calf muscle, none of the above are things he can feel from his right.

Because there’s nothing past the bandages.

Just like there was nothing in the darkness he lost his leg in. 

He trembled, memories resurfacing, the terror and horror of the moment. The euphoric joy he had held to a panicked crawl out of that empty world. 

The ōdachi was nowhere in sight and for that, he was beyond relieved for it.

Wasn’t that funny? Leo had refused to part with it, refused to leave the mystic powers alone. He was convinced, and determined he would master it. And master it he did.

Now he was looking at the consequences, his arrogance, his hesitance. 

A voice spoke up, “Leo, are you awake?”

Leo wiped the frustrated tears away. This, this was another thing he absolutely loathed. His brothers never had a problem barging into his room. Heck, sometimes he woke up to Mikey snoring beside him, or Raph loudly waking him up for lunch, or Donnie making a mess as he scavenged through his room. The same rule applied to him, his insomnia leading him to chill in his brothers’ room, to just be in their presence as he sipped his tea or coffee and mindlessly surfed the internet for the most random of trivia knowledge.

Because of his stupidity, it’s changed now. Donnie, his genius of a brother, was actually asking if he could step in, when his twin _never_ needed to before, his so called bad boy image would have rather walked in just to step on his buttons because that’s just how they messed with each other.

“Just get in here,” Leo didn’t have the energy to uplift his mood, because this was Donnie. Sooner or later, Donnie would have gotten suspicious if Leo kept up his upbeat persona.

The purple clad turtle marched inside. Leo blinked as he spotted an armful of blueprints bundled in Donnie’s arms.

"I'm gonna be here for a while," Donnie simply said and made himself comfortable on the ground- Leo should really get a bean bag or something for his room- and spread out his blueprints, covering practically every inch of the ground.

"Uh, Donnie, what exactly are you doing?" Leo asked, watching as Donnie started to scribble his horrible handwriting and simultaneously looking at his phone. One glance at the display told him it was filled with a bunch of advanced words he had no idea meant.

"I am researching everything I know about the human body and our own anatomy to acquire the best results for my next creation."

"And…you have to do that here?" 

Leo was befuddled. When Donnie had something in that brilliant mind of his, his brother normally locked himself up in his room for days, sometimes forgetting to sleep or eat. In those times, it was up to the rest of the family to force Donnie out of the room for a break, a hot meal, and seven hours of sleep. 

The intense look in Donnie’s eyes told Leo this was another one of those moods. But he couldn't fathom _why_ Donnie was in his room, with _him_ no less, brainstorming away.

"Are you gonna work on that collar you gave me a while back? If so, I totally want that shock removed. My one liners are a part of me Donnie, and you can't change that. You have to accept me for who I am." 

Leo let out a small yelp when Donnie threw a pencil at his forehead. Annoyed, and confused as he was, he was more glad to know Donnie wasn't treating him like a porcelain teacup. Donnie was still focused on the blueprints, wrist moving swiftly to draw whatever it was from his mind to paper. 

"I've accepted being _stuck_ with you." 

"Love you too Donnie. If it ain't the collar, is it the drill? Oh man, can you add flamethrowers to it? It'll be so cool!"

Leo could practically see Donnie’s lips curled to a secretive smirk.

"Flamethrowers huh? I can make that work. Or do you want another sword to work with?" 

A sword with the drill? What? How would that work?

"Mind explaining to me what you mean? We're not all evil geniuses." 

Donnie finally stopped drawing and turned to him, eyes glinting with a purpose. His twin grabbed the blueprint and shoved it at his face.

Leo's heart skipped a beat.

There on the blueprint was a sketch of a sleek mechanic prosthetic. There were too many words and numbers labeled to each part of the prosthetic. He couldn't make out what they meant but the design itself had him stare, jaw slacked.

"Did you really think you were going to stay handicapped forever?" Donnie arched a marked eyebrow, "When you have me, the greatest inventor of the century, nay, of all _time_?" 

Leo couldn't _speak_. His mouth refused to work once the implications set in.

"I'm building you a top of the line prosthetic," Donnie continued, as if he didn't just drop a bombshell news that left Leo speechless, "It'll take me a while, I'm not a medical expert but that's what the internet and library is for. This is just the prototype, but if my calculations are correct, it should be enough to have you walk without your crutches. It won't be perfect, this isn't the same as building machines and human prosthetics are a bit lacking in my opinion, but I will succeed in making this work just like a _real_ leg because I won't accept anything less than perfection."

Leo tried to stay strong, tried to stay unwavering. He failed. He felt tears threatening to fall. His body trembled.

Donnie jumped to his feet, concern written all over, asking if he was okay, blatantly panicking and gesturing to his missing limb. Leo shook his head, laughing hysterically at the oblivious nature of his genius brother. 

"Thank you," Leo managed to say barely above a whisper, "thank you Don, _thank you_." 

Donnie blinked, no doubt cluing together his behavior. It left the genius smile genuinely. None of their passed antics or banter underlined this moment.

"Don't thank me yet. So tell me, do you _really_ want that flamethrower installed?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments and all the love! 
> 
> Next chapter should be up next week, I'll try to stay on weekly Sunday updates but it might be a bit difficult since my semester will start tomorrow.


	3. Truth

Leo thought, for some reason, he could avoid it.

There's a chatter of excitement in the atmosphere the next day after he slept through the night. His body must have been worn out, if he actually knocked out despite the pesky insomnia he dealt with. His brothers were talking one after another, chiming in ideas for the prototype. Leo indulged, very much in love with the idea of a built in grenade launcher. It helped that Raph beamed at him when he declared it as an option.

Things were going smoothly, despite the apparent problem and forced imprisonment. He managed breakfast before he was ushered back to his room.

Leo hadn't known why his brothers- why Donnie was insistent that he went back to his room. The answer came sooner than expected.

Donnie entered his room with a first-aid kit, two bottles of water, and a towel in his arms.

"Make room, I gotta check Leo’s leg." 

_Oh_. Who knew it would be terrifying to hear that?

Leo plastered on a small grin, trying his best to showcase how completely okay he was with this. He forced down the nausea as Donnie took a seat at the edge of his bed and placed the items next to his leg.

Before his twin could start, Raph stood up, back ramrod straight.

"I'll- hey! Dad is calling me! I'll be back later Leo!" 

Leo blinked as Raph hightailed it out of here. He didn't hear Splinter call for Raph, and it was impossible to miss. Splinter could yell loud enough to be heard across the ocean.

Beside him, Mikey fidgeted on his feet.

"I'm g-gonna head out too! April said she was on her way, I'll go wait for her and bring her here."

That was another brother walking out. Leo stared at Donnie, thinking- and hoping- the genius would leave too and forget the bandages, to leave them for another day.

Donnie met his stare and misread the expression, "Don't be upset that they left. Raph…he blames himself for what happened." 

That hadn't been what he expected at _all_.

"What? _Why_?"

"He's our big brother," Donnie stated, "Our leader. He watches out for us. He's mad at himself that he couldn't stop this."

"That's ridiculous," Leo cried out, "It's not Raph’s fault!" 

_It's my fault._ Leo didn’t voice it.

"That's not how Raph sees it." 

Guilt weighed Leo down. Rocks filled his stomach. He remembered then, that it wasn't just Raph who left.

"Don't tell me Mikey blames himself too."

Donnie shook his head and Leo felt the guilt lessened by a mince.

"I don't think so, but Mikey doesn't want to see…what's become of your leg. I think…a part of him refuses to believe it." 

"That…that's not any better."

Donnie shrugged helplessly. Leo felt a churn in his stomach, carefully observing his brother.

"What about you?" 

"It happened," Donnie bluntly answered, "There's no denying it and as much as it hurts me to see the evidence, the wound and scar, it doesn't scare me because soon enough this won't be a problem." 

Because of the prosthetic Donnie was going to build. That's how Donnie coped with this. Leo…wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"Alright, I’m gonna remove these bandages, you _have_ to tell me if you feel any pain or discomfort." 

Leo nearly wanted to protest. He's not- he can't see it. He's not _ready._ Yet, as Donnie began to gently unwrap the bandages, Leo was transfixed, unable to tear his gaze away.

The last of the bandages gave away and Leo finally saw what remained of his right leg.

He could still vividly remember the incident- even as he tried his damn hardest to forget. The portal closing. The clean cut. The burst of blood that followed. 

But the cut was slanted. His leg had been in the portal in a weird diagonal.

What Leo saw now, was an even stump.

Dread consumed him. 

"Y-You cut it off?" 

Donnie stiffened. Leo felt another wave of guilt, feeling the faint nausea and dizziness. Oh gosh. His brother- his brother had been forced to- 

"It was dad who cut it off," Donnie muttered, "I…I couldn't do it. Raph and Mikey weren't there to see it. But I was. I had to take the skin, so that I could stitch it over and close the wound."

Leo went back to staring, noting indeed the stitches and the patch of skin covering the muscle and bone.

"I'm sorry you had to…I'm sorry I forced you to do that," Leo said quietly.

"You didn't force me to do anything. It was my choice to patch you up. I would have done the same for anyone in our family, just like I know you would too."

There was nothing to say. Donnie was right.

Instead, Leo forced himself to keep looking. His leg was still healing and the stitches held together his green skin, the red underneath barely visible. He admired the work, admired his genius brother for never having done this before and still pulling it off.

He wasn't the only one looking. 

Donnie observed the leg with a critical eye before nodding in satisfaction, "No infection in sight or any weird fluids, and the stitches are holding up really well. You healed fast, humans don't heal this quickly. It might be because we're mutants and our recovery is above average levels. Whatever it is, I'm glad for it because I don’t think you need the bandages anymore.”

No more bandages. Which meant Leo had to see the stitched stump that was his right leg from now on. 

Leo mustered up a small grin, “Your call Doc Don.”

His twin rolled his eyes at the moniker, “I’m gonna wash your leg to get rid of the small crusts. Try to stay still.”

Such a simple order and Leo couldn’t follow it. He flinched when Donnie’s fingers grabbed his knee. His twin immediately froze, a question already at the tip of his tongue but Leo spoke first.

“Jeez, your hands are literally _ice_ cold Don, what the hell.”

Donnie sighed, closing his eyes, “You’re gonna give me a heart attack before I turn eighteen,” he unfolded the towel, “Suck it up and raise your leg, I’m gonna place the towel under, unless you want me to water your bed.”

Leo grumbled but obeyed. Donnie was meticulous, washing his leg with such tenderness. He recognized instantly how careful Donnie was. Donnie was treating his leg like another one of his machines, the same machines he calls his babies and his lifeline. Leo shouldn’t have been moved by it. But the truth was, he was freaking touched at the prospect.

Stump properly washed and patted dry with another towel, Donnie put away the stuff.

“There’s a couple of rules you have to follow and I swear if you break any of them, I will personally keep you bedridden and sedated until the stitches all heal up.”

Leo winked, “You just know how to speak to my heart.”

As expected, Donnie scowled but continued anyways, “Never scratch the stitches. As hard as it may be, you could risk pulling them out. This is self explanatory but since you have the mindset of a ten year old, keep your leg clean and dry and try not to touch it. It’ll heal in time. I estimate about maybe a week or two? But considering your mutant genes, a couple of days will probably suffice."

Okay. So pretty much guard his leg like porcelain that could shatter with the briefest touch. Leo can do that. Easy.

“And as soon as your leg is good to go,” Donnie crossed his arm and smirked, “we’re gonna test the first prototype.”

This time, Leo found it easy to grin.

“You- already?”

Donnie raised his chin, evidently proud, and exclaimed, "The first prototype is under beta. And _no,_ I will not add flamethrowers to it."

"At least, not now, right?" Leo grinned wider.

Donnie matched his grin and agreed, "Not now." 

  
  


*

  
  


Leo hadn't wanted to be in his room when April arrived. 

If it were Raph in the room, Leo knew his eldest brother would have tried to persuade him to stay locked up in his room, probably forever. If it were Mikey, it was a fifty-fifty chance whether or not his little brother would use his ultimate puppy eyed look and keep Leo guilty enough to back down. 

Donnie, was thus, the easiest to convince. But no less smothering. 

It was annoying to have his brothers treat him like the broken turtle he was. The fact that this was going to be his new norm didn't help either. For as long as he remained invalid, his brothers will continue to treat him as such. With his leg lost forever, he hoped the day he snaps at his brothers will never come.

Leo finally made it to the living room, to their lounge area, their den of zen as he liked to call it. 

Mikey was talking animatedly with a familiar person he knew and loved like a sister. April was dressed in her usual yellow green attire and listened attentively to the ramblings of the youngest turtle before her eyes roamed to him. 

Her eyes shifted to his leg, pity showcased in her face, but it quickly morphed to a delighted smile and she called out, "Leo! I'm super glad to see you're okay!" 

She sauntered closer, Mikey at her heels, his little brother surprised to see him. Probably wasn't expecting Leo to actually come out. If it weren't for April, he wouldn't have wanted to. He just wanted to let her know, to let her _see,_ that despite what happened, she shouldn't worry about him too much. 

Leo gave her a winning smile that felt like it was hurting his cheeks, "I'm super glad to be okay too. Though I wouldn't have minded being a zombie." 

"Zombies are ugly," Donnie deadpanned, "You wouldn't have lasted long without crying for your so called handsome looks."

Leo tsked, still looking at April as he pointed none so subtlety at his twin.

"Can you believe this guy? I almost died and he _still_ won't give me a break," he turned to the youngest, "Mikey, this is why you're my favorite brother."

"Are you sure it's not because you're my food tester?" Mikey asked with a knowing smile, "when I cook delicacies one after another and you end up fighting Raph for the last piece."

"I would _never."_

"Well," April intervened, raising a brow, "I was worried for nothing. You really are doing fine, except for the…" and she winced, eyeing his stitched leg.

"Oh this?" Leo forced himself to grin wider, "This is just a minor inconvenience. Wanna know why? Go on Donnie, tell her." 

Donnie crossed his arms and smirked, "Because _I_ _,_ Othello von Ryan, will be creating the sickest prosthetic _ever._ Complete with a heavy arsenal to make Leo a _tank,_ just like me."

April shrilled in her excitement. Mikey joined her, bouncing up and down.

"Who's screaming!?" And late to the party, was the eldest turtle, who ran in like a bull, eyes hastily surveying the room for imaginary foes.

Raph’s gaze locked on him and Leo inwardly groaned. The red clad turtle in true big brother protective tendencies, was on him in milliseconds.

“Leo, are you hurt!? Is your leg hurting you!? Do we need to take you to a hospital!?”

“Okay first of all, I do _not_ scream like a dying cat,” he ignored April’s indignant shout, “second of all, my leg doesn’t hurt because I don’t have it anymore.”

“That’s literally _not_ how it works,” came Donnie’s exasperated remark.

“I don’t know Dee, Leo does have a point,” chimed Mikey, “where would he feel the pain?”

Leo ignored them and continued, “And lastly, I don’t think hospitals accept teenage mutant turtles.”

“Don’t doctors have an oath to save all lives?” Mikey inputted, “Technically, that should include you, human or not.”

Leo hastily laughed off Mikey’s statement. He absolutely did not want Raph to throw him over his shoulders and rampage through the streets for a hospital. Too many things could go wrong.

“I’m fine big guy,” Leo reassured, “see?” He moved around for good measure. He was starting to get tired though but he squashed down the feeling.

Finally, Raph relented enough to greet their only human friend.

“April, my gal, nice to see you. You doing good?”

April saluted, “Always.”

“Can we play Uno now?” Mikey asked, adorably begging and pouting.

 _Yes_ _,_ freaking _yes_ _._ Thank all the heavens for Mikey’s brilliant suggestion and existence. Leo was really starting to feel the ache, the prolonged standing and crutches digging underneath his arms.

“Come on Leo, I want you to sit next to me,” his little brother beamed and said innocently, “I wanna make sure you don’t cheat.”

Okay, everyone has a lapse of judgement every once in a while. 

  
  


*

  
  


It was almost normal, like all the usual game nights they had. 

Mikey, the little sneak, cheated too. Leo and Raph teaming up against a cruel April hoarding the draw four card. Raph’s betrayal when he stacked the draw two on him. Donnie convincing Mikey to skip April and therefore ruin her chance at winning. Donnie backstabbing him even when he promised he wouldn’t. Mikey teaming up with April and double crossing her for Raph.

It ended like every Uno game. Friendships ruined. Betrayal from the people you loved. Family showing their true greedy colors and selfish actions.

All in all, it was _perfect._

Soon enough, the night crept closer and darker. As much as they all wanted April to stay, they knew she had family, parents who would worry fretfully over her. Raph and Donnie ended up escorting her home and she left with a parting hug and a soft smile that Leo treasured as much as the ones his brothers gave him. 

Leo was thus left alone with his second favorite brother- Raph had redeemed himself in the last round of Uno.

The youngest turtle was still upbeat, despite the beat-down from Uno, and wanted to play videogames. Leo was already tired, the energy used from earlier was running him dry. Still, he refused to deny Mikey. He didn’t want to look weak. He wanted to look the same as every other night before…before his accident.

They’re playing a fighting game, the largest fighting franchise to boot. Leo was seated on the couch with Mikey on the armrest, both glued to the screen and frantically pressing buttons. His character’s health bar went low and before he knew it, Mikey won once again, for the fourth time in a row. And that’s how Leo wished he had rejected Mikey’s offer. For the orange clad turtle’s stare was fixated on him, his usual childlike expression dipped in earnest.

“That’s the fourth time you lost,” Mikey said, “Leo, you never _lose_ at this game.”

Leo shrugged nonchalantly, “There’s a first for everything.”

Mikey frowned, “And you never give up like this,” his little brother shot to his feet and stood in front of the screen, hands on his waist, "tell me, how are you _really_ feeling?"

"Michael, I told you, just like I told everyone a thousand times. I'm _fine,_ a little under the weather, for _obvious_ reasons, but otherwise completely okay."

"Leo, you're speaking to Doctor Feelings here," Mikey soothed and it automatically made Leo wish to escape the clutches of his persuasive brother, "you…you lost _your_ leg. I _know_ you're not okay. I'm not like Raph or Donnie, I can tell that you're bottling everything up inside of you and that's not healthy. I'm not- I don't want to force you Leo, but I want you to be honest. You don't have to lie, at least, not to me." 

Who taught Mikey to be so… _good_ and _pure_?

Leo swallowed thickly, relenting just this once, to ease Mikey's concern and…because for one moment, he wanted to stop pretending. 

"You're right," he croaked, the truth hard to verbalize into existence, "I'm not okay but…I don't want to talk about this. Some day, just not today. Not…so soon. I'm still- sometimes, I can't believe it but all it takes is one look and I know it's real." 

Mikey softened and drew closer, reaching out to hold his hand. Leo found himself reaching back, the heavy burden and weight on his shoulders lifting just the tiniest bit.

"You're mourning," his little brother said wisely, "and you're in denial. That's the first stage of grief, you know?" 

"…how many stages are there?" 

"Five." 

Leo puffed out a small weak laugh, "One down, four to go."

Mikey gave him a tiny smile, radiating with helpless optimism as he perched on the armrest again and gently embraced him. Leo hesitated under the touch but soon succumbed to the warmth and wrapped his own arms around the other’s plastron.

"It's okay to take this slow. It's not a race to the end." 

"If it was, I'd already be winning," Leo muttered tiredly.

"Maybe. Or maybe you'd just hurt yourself more." 

A biting remark wanted to let loose, of how Leo already hurt himself beyond redemption, the limb he lost hurting more than anything else. That nothing else could compare, nothing else can make it worse. Leo fiercely demolished that urge. 

"Maybe," he repeated instead. 

"Leo, can I tell you…how I feel?"

Leo's chest felt constricted and he swiftly answered, "Of course Mikey."

Mikey pressed his cheek against his, and hugged tighter. Leo relished in the close contact, needing the comfort so freely given.

"I was really scared," Mikey admitted, voice all tiny, "when I saw you that night."

 _Oh._ Leo was at a crossroad. He wanted to cling onto his little brother, while fighting the urge to curl up in his shell and let shame fill his core.

"A lot happened that night. I don't think I've ever cried that much. You- you didn’t look good. You needed blood and you needed it fast. Raph gave his first but Donnie said you still needed more and we couldn’t risk taking anymore from Raph. Which is funny, because Raph is the biggest of us, he should have more blood, right?”

Leo almost replied, ready to say a quip to lighten the mood, to make Mikey lose that somber expression for a kindhearted smile. But Mikey continued and his little brother didn’t need the consolation. A smile graced the youngest turtle’s face.

“Donnie was seconds away from injecting a needle into his own arm when I took it away from him and put it in my arm. You would have laughed at their faces, no one moved for a hot second until Pops pushed Donnie to keep at it. It took a while but you were finally stable. You have no idea how happy I was, how happy we all were. And you have no idea how happy I am just to be with you right now. That’s why it hurts when I see you’re not happy, and I know this isn’t something that’s easy, but I want you to know, that I really am here for you. If you don’t wanna tell Raph, Donnie, or April, or even Pops, then I won’t either. I won’t say anything you don’t want me to.”

Leo couldn’t help but think Mikey did this on purpose and he shouldn’t be surprised at that. His little brother didn’t call himself Doctor Feelings for no reason. He found himself revealing only one part of himself he kept tightly wrapped under a lock, padded and concrete and hard to break into.

The guilt surfaced and spilled, “None of you should have gone through that…a-and I’m _sorry,_ for scaring you and for scaring everyone.”

Pulling back, Mikey stared at him, eyes glinting fiercely, and grabbed his shoulders.

“There’s nothing to apologize for Leo. We _love_ you. We’ll always be worried, because we’re family and family sticks together no matter what.”

For the first time since Leo woke up irreparably incomplete, he felt like things were going to be _okay_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healing is a slow progress and Leo will eventually get there with help from the fam- one by one. I'm not a medical expert so I'm sort of winging it here by surfing the internet for info on how to care for a stitched wound.
> 
> Also, I might move my updates to Fridays, but we'll see how punishing my semester will be :')


	4. Anew

It was time for Leo’s checkup and he was _giddy_.

“Well?” He asked, tentative and hopeful. He made sure to channel Mikey’s puppy eyed look. 

Donnie was unmoved, like the soulless evil genius he was.

It took five days for his leg to heal. Five nerve-wracking pitiful days. He was, however, immensely grateful for Raph during the past days. The eldest turtle still insisted Leo exercised, citing some very good reasons that had Mikey and Donnie back down. In a way, Raph helped him realize he wasn’t _completely_ useless. Balancing just became a bit more of a challenge and it gave him something to do, something to take his mind off his own spiraling emotions. It helped that Raph didn’t include training. Leo wasn’t sure how to break it to his brothers that he wanted nothing to do with the ōdachi. He wanted to _forget_.

Mikey, true to his word, kept his mouth zipped and locked. Raph and Donnie were unaware of the turmoil that left Leo wide awake, insomnia and bleak future constantly invading his nights. It never got too bad though. There was an unspoken rule where one of his brothers will spend the night with him. Leo would have thought they were pitying him, if it weren’t for the fact that he saw Mikey and Raph arguing it was _their_ turn and to back _off_. That night had ended with Donnie sneaking in and snoring away by his side and left his other brothers disgruntled. 

Those moments let Leo know just how deeply they cared for him and if he cried, no one teased him for it. 

Anyways, after his leg healed, Donnie still hadn’t wanted to risk it. His twin told him to wait two more days, and since no one was an expert and Donnie can be scarily mean with inventions that can put Einstein to shame, no one budged to change his mind. Not even Splinter, who spluttered and announced whatever 'Purple' thought best was probably right. And after waiting two more excruciating days, the time has finally arrived.

"Dee, come on, look! My leg is healed up all nice and neat and Raph had me stretching till my bones _cracked_ and my leg is still just as dandy and sturdy."

“Nardo,” came Donnie’s dubious voice, "what if-" 

"If you don't give me the green light, I will make your life a living hell."

“Like it _isn't_ already."

"Oh trust me, it can get _worse_." 

Donnie stared him down but Leo wasn't the type to give up. Leo was stubborn, but then again, so was Donnie. Their stare-off can go on for hours if kept unchecked. However, Leo had something he knew would make his genius brother crack.

Leo inhaled and said in a too soft, too small voice, “Please.”

Donnie’s marked eyebrows twitched, eyes narrowed to slits, “You manipulative little-”

Manipulative, yes, Leo continued and let honesty trace his voice, “I can’t stay cooped up in here. I’m gonna lose my mind, especially when I know you have an untested prosthetic waiting for _me_. And I know _you_. You want me to test your baby out too. What are you waiting for?”

“Exactly what Leo said,” and they both whirled their heads to see Mikey and Raph stumble in his room, evidently catching the last bit of their conversation.

Raph crossed his arms, grinning all the while, “I saw how much work you put into Leo’s new leg, you’re just as excited for Leo to try it out too.”

“Yeah!” Mikey agreed “I hear you mumbling to yourself a lot too, about possibilities and chances and all that jazz. Leo’s good to go, you said it yourself two days ago.”

“Well excuse me for being worried,” Donnie said haughtily, but the curl of his lips gave away what he truly thought, “but I admit I may have been too overprotective. A first for me, since it’s usually Raph’s job and my emotional capacity tends to lack in certain areas.”

Raph didn’t even look insulted at the notion. If anything, his big brother puffed his chest, proud of it.

“Sooo,” Leo pushed, grinning at his twin, “is that a yes?”

There was no answer, only movement as Donnie stood up, grabbed his crutches, and brought it over to Leo’s waiting hands. Leo took the crutches and stared up at his twin.

“Up and at ‘em,” Donnie said, “I’ve got several surprises installed in your new leg.”

Before Leo could whoop in excitement, Mikey did it for him, loudly and happily. 

  
  


*

The metal table was cold. Leo didn’t let it bother him. He was way too bundled with anxiety and joy to pay attention to the frigid coldness of steel. The silence in the lab was abnormal. All four of them were capable of turning anything into a party. Throw in April, and it’s a full on celebration. Said human sister had arrived in the nick of time and she was being coddled by Raph and Mikey on both sides with Splinter in front. Shelldon was here too, hovering above the three. All of them were staring at Leo and Donnie, wide eyed and silent.

Leo would have cracked a joke if he weren’t feeling so high strung. Donnie couldn’t hide the nervous twitch either, and wasn’t that something. His twin took every chance to gloat and show off. None of that showed right now. That did nothing to ease the churn in his stomach.

Finally, after what felt like forever in the maddening silence, Donnie pressed one single button. 

A portion of the wall opened up and Leo watched in awe as metal slid forth from it. The same metal clutched Leo’s hope. It looked different from the blueprints Donnie had sketched for what seemed like a long time ago.

The fact that hit Leo the hardest, the most obvious, was the color of the prosthetic. Donnie’s signature color was signified in everything he built. The so-called royal purple his twin favored was his style, the 'superior' color as he liked to call it.

Leo had been expecting the dark shade of violet, and had been ready to be proud to wear it. Because at the end of the day, it was a gift from his genius brother, his hardworking brother who studied and researched a new branch of science for him. Purple was not his style yet he was ready to rock it and bear it with honor. 

But the prosthetic was not purple. It was the blue that matched the color of his bandana and straps. The same blue Leo loved and embraced.

The coloring spoke volumes. Leo knew it. Donnie knew it. They shared one look and that was all they needed to understand the other knew it.

It wasn’t just the color that was different. Leo remembered the sketches, the sleek design. What he was looking at didn’t resemble it, for the prosthetic was modeled in similarity to his left leg. It wasn’t a dream then. Donnie really had taken measurements of his leg that one night Leo had brushed off and went back to snoring. 

Donnie took the offered prosthetic from the metal clutch. It felt like there was no else in the room, save for him and his twin. The bated breath of Raph, Mikey, April, and Splinter seemed so far away in comparison to his twin, who sauntered closer, blue shiny leg gripped tightly in hand.

“Ahem,” Donnie coughed, an act to either stave off the awkwardness that befell upon them or to hide the nervous face. Knowing the purple clad ninja, Leo was betting on the latter.

“Legs on the table,” the genius ordered firmly.

Leo nodded and did as told, eager to get this completed, eager to stand on two legs once again. Donnie gestured, lifting a finger with his unoccupied hand and Leo obeyed again, raising his right halved limb. The first contact with the prosthetic was cold on the edges as Donnie clasped the metal onto his skin and knee. There was a padding, he noticed, when none of the hard surface skimmed against his stump. Donnie messed with the prosthetic a bit more and Leo watched, unable to look away. 

“Does it feel uncomfortable?” Donnie suddenly asked, eyes trained to the prosthetic.

Leo shook his head, not trusting his voice yet.

"The prosthetic is attached," Donnie declared and tapped a finger just below the knee, the top surface of the metal slid open and revealed a tiny button, "you can remove the prosthetic by pressing this button and to hide it again, just tap around it," said genius demonstrated and Leo looked on as the tiny button was hidden from view once more.

Leo smiled shakily, "Am I…can I try to stand now?" 

"It's 'may I'," because of course his twin would still correct his grammar during a very important moment in Leo's _life,_ "and yes, you may." 

Leo took a deep breath and went right for it. He jumped out of the stainless steel table and landed on his legs. The screeches of everyone would have had Leo wheezing over with laughter if he wasn’t so _amazed._

He didn't trip, he didn't fall, the prosthetic didn't suddenly collapse under him. In fact, Leo had no trouble standing and the prosthetic didn’t bother him, it didn't feel too uncomfortable. Instead, the prosthetic felt like an extension given back, the ghost of his limb solidified into tech.

Heart pounding and roaring over his ears, he gingerly took a step with it. The movement was a little clunky but that’s to be expected wasn’t it? It’s not flesh- not the same limb of muscle, skin, bone, and blood. This is an advanced tech presumptuously made out of pure metal for one sole purpose. The labor of Donnie’s sleepless nights and rigorous work come to fruition.

And it _works._

Leo was slowly pacing back and forth, getting a feel, letting his body embrace the substitute of a lost limb. He’s standing on _two_ legs. He’s _walking._

Every fiber of his being wanted to crumble apart. Leo didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve any of this. It's his own fault he lost his leg, it's his fault for thinking he mastered the ōdachi, it's his own arrogance that cost him his leg. Leo inhaled sharply, squandering the anger and frustration away. He doesn’t need that- not when this was happening. Donnie _gave_ him this and Leo was _not_ going to turn his twin’s gift away.

“Well? Don’t keep us in suspense!”

He’s brought back down with Mikey’s overly impatient voice. He faced his family and grinned wildly as an idea graced his mind. He took a tiny moment to prepare himself before sprinting in the small leeway available within the lab. His grin spread wider at the shrills once more released from his family but no one stopped him. He planted one foot on the wall- his flesh one- and held on as he lifted the prosthetic and used that leg to kick off the wall. He underestimated the force of the kick- the high power that came with it. He found himself soaring in the air, the ceiling grazing his face before landing back to his feet.

“Dee!” Leo cackled loudly and hopped with one leg- with the prosthetic, “You have outdone yourself!”

Donnie, whose face moments before was the definition of unconfined hysteria, let out a huge sigh and regained a confident aura and a crazed grin.

“The prosthetic is upholding beyond my expectations-” his twin scowled briefly, “don’t do that next time- it’s the first prosthetic and it serves one purpose only. We are going to do tests- _lots_ and _lots_ of tests- to see how the prosthetic can hold up and any safety measures I’ll inevitably build knowing the kind of stuff you get into.”

April patted Donnie’s shoulder, her own face holding an excited smile at the sight of him and said, “Yes, yes, of course, but right now- oh my gosh! Leo, you’re walking again! Look at you!”

Leo couldn’t help repeating her words, too bundled with joy as well as he lifted the prosthetic off the ground and pointed at it, “Look at me!”

“Look at you,” Raph said, a tone of wonder lacing his voice, “you look like a really cool cyborg hero from Jupiter Jim’s Galaxy Cross!”

Mikey snapped his fingers, expression filled with awe, “No wonder it looked so familiar! Leo, you like a space hero from the movies!”

Leo knew immediately which movie they were walking about and the running trilogy centered on Galaxy Cross. It made the excitement all the more better, the comparison to one of his favorite movies.

“Blue,” Splinter suddenly said, cutting anyone else from talking, “it brings me great joy to see Purple’s invention help you walk. But…”

The smile on Splinter morphed to a scolding look, one Leo was all too accustomed to. He knew it was coming but like always, he’s too slow to dodge the lightning speed of the slipper smacking him directly in the head. He yelped and pouted at Splinter, angrily confused.

“Have you no regard to your safety!? Your brother’s inventions are not infallible, anything could have happened and yet you acted recklessly and scared us all with your antics! What if you had slipped and further injured yourself? What if you had injured your brothers? What if you had injured April, a non mutant who can’t heal as quickly as you and your brothers?”

Leo couldn’t help the offended look. He’d never willingly hurt his brothers- not the true kind of pain. April may be human, but she was tough as nails- tough as scales in his case. Still, a lurk of shame bubbled in him, the feeling of ineptitude, but he braved it through and defiantly stared down his father.

“I wasn’t worried because I trust Donnie. He built this prosthetic for _me,_ and normally I wouldn’t have complete faith in him but this is different. He wouldn’t build something prone to failure if it’s meant to act as my _leg.”_

Splinter narrowed his eyes at him. Leo stubbornly stared. The hard expression of his father eventually softened.

“You are right, but as a father, I worry a great deal. You must understand the near panic attack you almost gave me. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive me." 

Leo blinked. He hadn't expected his old man to actually stand down. Splinter never does when it's him. There's a reason why he's the least favorite of his brothers- he's more likely to snap back and speak out against their father, something which Splinter obviously doesn't like. 

So of course, Leo was going to take _full_ advantage of this rare moment of weakness. 

"I don't know pops," Leo said indifferently, "Can I _forgive_ you?"

There was a evident twitch in those whiskers. Leo found himself stumbling backwards, snickering behind his hand even after another direct hit to his head. 

"Purple, run your tests," Splinter proclaimed, "I shall take my leave. My favorite show will be on soon!" 

Splinter left the lab, grumbling under his mouth. Leo wasn't bothered by it. This was how they worked and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the back to back slippers to his face. Because Splinter was treating him like the old days- the pre days of his accident.

"You heard pops," Raph said and crossed his arms, grinning slightly, "let's see what your prosthetic can do."

Leo was more than happy to comply.

  
  


*

  
  


There was no flamethrower, which okay, was a little disappointing but not really because nothing beats the absolute joy of _walking._ The added components that came with the prosthetic were merely small awesome bonuses.

Since this was only the first edition, all hazardous tinkering will be saved for later editions, once Leo got the hang of the prosthetic. Instead, Donnie inputted command controls that reacted to his voice. He had several options per courtesy of his twin.

Saying ‘thrusters’ did exactly as commanded. To add an extra kick, both metaphorically and literally. Leo couldn’t wait to try it out on any foes that could attack them. It’ll be a kick to the face, _literally._ He was already forming plenty of kick puns. He could also take off the prosthetic by saying ‘disengage’ if for some reason the button refused to work. The opposite applied when he says ‘engage’ and the prosthetic will automatically clutch on. Leo nearly tore his face in half just by smiling when he found out that just as long as he was within hearing range, the prosthetic will straight up _fly_ to him. Shelldon, the little awesome helper Donnie built, would in turn record all activity in the prosthetic and alert anyone if it malfunctioned. Suffice to say, Leo was relieved for Shelldon. Because it meant that Donnie, and his brothers, wouldn’t act as a hovering babysitter. 

Leo watched fondly as Raph, Mikey, and April brainstormed under a whiteboard Donnie put up labeled ‘Petition for Fancy Leg Ideas’ by Mikey. Leo already wrote down what he wanted and tried putting down as many ridiculous things he could, just to see how far his twin will take it. Having a built-in skateboard would after all, be totally awesome.

As amazing as the prosthetic was though, Leo felt reality knock into him. At the very beginning, it felt so easy to accept the metal limb, the feeling of being _whole_ lighting up his soul. That feeling had slowly diminished until all that was left was a weird sense of _alien._

It could never replace his real limb. The coldness of the steel, the unnerving softness of the padding. Leo knew Donnie tried to replicate it but even so, he still felt the prosthetic weighed several tons despite it being only a slight difference in weight in comparison to his left leg. 

The prosthetic felt like an imposter and Leo wasn’t sure how to handle that. There weren't even any toes, just smooth metal as it curved to the shape of a foot and he shouldn’t complain about that but he so badly wanted to. Yes, he can walk and he thanked all the stars and lucky rabbit foot for Donnie’s existence and prodigy mind but it’s just not the _same._

“Nardo?” 

Leo was snapped out of his thoughts. Donnie gave him a puzzled look.

“What was that? I kind of spaced out there bro, I’m thinking of all the things we can do with this bad boy,” Leo played it off with a grin.

For a beat, Donnie stared at him oddly. Leo retained his persona, tilting his head slightly to show his impatience.

Eventually, Donnie looked away and said, “I just wanted to say thank you.”

Leo was appropriately confused. Why would his twin thank him? He should be the one writing poems for his twin’s genius ways. His silence must have clued it in for his purple clade brother. 

“What you said to dad earlier,” Donnie explained, still not looking at him, “that’s a lot of trust in me.”

Sometimes, his twin was so weird. Leo couldn’t understand how his genius brother could feel those insecurities when literally everything he does tops every renowned scientist in the world.

“Well _duh,”_ Leo replied and grinned wider when Donnie twitched, “your inventions do have the tendency to blow up and usually, we have to fix your mess, but! I have nothing but the utmost trust in your abilities. It’s why I wasn’t worried. You always pull through. Now, let’s hug it out.”

He nearly sniggered when Donnie recoiled in disgust.

“No! That was not an invitation for physical contact!"

“It sure sounded like a cry for hugs to me.”

“I heard hugs! I want a hug too!” Mikey bounced to them, eyes glinting.

April caught his eyes and it really spoke volumes of what exactly she heard and immediately understood when she smirked, “You know Mikey, I heard hugs too.”

Donnie gave her a betrayed look. 

Leo smirked and shouted, “Group hug!”

There was no escape. Raph heard him and had not hesitated to gather everyone in his huge arms. Mikey and April were squeezed together. Leo gladly snuggled against Donnie.

"I will end your existence," Donnie hissed to his ears. 

Leo shrugged it off, unconcerned. He's heard worse and this was by far the nicest thing his twin could have possibly said. Plus, he could see Donnie fighting a smile.

Inwardly, Leo pondered. The prosthetic may feel alien to him now, but he's sure within time, he'll get used to it. After all, he doesn't exactly have a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. I'll be sticking to Sunday updates.


	5. Bottled Up

The more Leo stared, the more it became evident what the sinking emotion invoked in him was. 

Mikey’s snores were background noises, distant and so far away despite the fact that the youngest was merely curled on his bed, arms latched around his plastron. Leo turned away from the prosthetic, the metal limb placed on his bedside and charging next to his phone, to smile tiredly at the cuddling form of his little brother. Think about Mikey. Think about the bright happy cheer his brother emitted so easily. Focus on that. 

Leo breathed in deeply, _trying_ , trying but _failing,_ to squander the dark thoughts wanting to drown him. He should be happy. He should be ecstatic. He should be singing his lungs out and take every waking opportunity to bounce and skip with the usual swagger he wore like second nature. The prosthetic gave back what he thought was gone in the void forever. The metal limb was a thing of beauty, the handiwork of a genius who cared enough to give him a sense of normalcy, as if the accident never happened. 

Leo gulped down the odd lump in his throat. He raised his shaking hands and placed them on Mikey’s sleeping form. He gingerly patted his brother’s head softly. 

Instead of feeling that joy, he felt _sorrowful._ He was grieving all over again and he hated himself for it. 

His leg is _gone._ He _knew_ this. So why did he feel guilty? Why did he feel like he was betraying his body by accepting a replacement? Why was it so hard to accept it? Was his mind playing tricks on him? Just because it was his fault that this happened, was his mind punishing him for this?

A voice called at the back of his mind- one eerily similar to Splinter, to the same comforting tone he had spoken with that very first night. Leo vehemently shook that voice away. Splinter would have said it was his fault too, wouldn’t he? If Leo had told the whole truth, of the ōdachi and his failures with it.

Sorrow bubbled in his chest, lingering and festering into something more. Something different. Leo’s face hardened with tightly coiled emotion, teeth clenched and eyes narrowed to slits. He wanted to _break_ something. He wanted to _scream._ He wanted to let the rage in him seethe, to boil and let loose and wreak havoc. 

He took another deep breath. He stopped everything, freezing all movement to calm the raging storm in his body, to tackle the tensed shoulders and battle ready form.

“Leo?”

Oh gosh. _Please_ , he thought desperately, _please tell me Mikey didn’t see that, didn’t nearly see me lose my damn marble. It’s bad enough he knows I’m struggling, he can’t know this too._

He barely held his sigh of relief when Mikey rubbed his eyes and yawned. Mikey didn’t see anything. 

“Can’t sleep?” Mikey’s drowsy voice was enough for the anger to be swept away as guilt replaced it.

“Yeah,” Leo answered quietly, “did I wake you?”

The youngest shook his head, bleary eyes looking up at him, “No. Bad dream. Pizzasaurus ate me.”

The response was so ridiculous, so out of place with what he was going through, that he couldn’t help but snort.

“There, there, I'm right here. Pizzasaurus ain't getting you without getting through Raph, Donnie, and _me_ . We’re gonna cut him up to eight delicious slices and we're gonna be the ones who eat _him."_

"I call first dibs," Mikey chirped, becoming more awake as the traces of sleep evaporated. 

Leo forced a grin, "That's fine with me."

Perhaps he was losing his touch. That, or Mikey was growing into his self-proclaimed PhD title.

Mikey was immediately alert, and pushed softly, “ _Leo,_ we talked about this.”

_Yes, and you’re scary good at making me talk,_ Leo thought nervously.

Leo tried to say something that will get his little brother off his case but nothing was coming up. Raph and Donnie were easy to sidetracked. But Mikey was on a different level. Nothing feasible enough came to his mind to distract his empathetic brother. 

The silence stretched for too long. Long enough for Mikey to sit up, scoot beside him, and let the navy duvet cover both of them.

“Do you wanna talk about your feelings?”

“…No.”

“Okay.”

Leo couldn’t hide the surprise. 

Mikey merely smiled at him and patted his knee, “Take your time. I’m right here.”

Ah. Leo knew this game. He’s done it himself plenty of times to Donnie. Heck, Mikey learned it from him. Looking at the prosthetic on his bedside table, he decided if anyone should know, it’ll be Mikey, who’s been true and hasn’t unzipped that mouth of his. Mikey wasn’t a snitch and that was good enough for Leo.

“I'm happy," Leo starts slowly, "really, I am, it's just- it's not _my_ leg." 

For a moment, he feared Mikey would ask for a further explanation. Surprise, surprise, his little brother nodded.

"If you want, I can paint over it," Mikey offered, "remember that mural I did near the entrance to our lair?" 

The mural that Mikey had crafted and painted to the likeness of the sewer water and cracked pavement. Raph had nearly stepped on it before quickly jumping over it, convinced a large hole had somehow manifested there. It was a small prank that had Mikey gloating because Donnie avoided it too before Leo caught on the slight sheen. He was always the more observant of his brothers.

The offer was tempting to take, because the prosthetic will look less like an alien limb, less mechanical. Leo _needed_ that. But…

"I- I shouldn't. Donnie made it _blue_ for me, I can't just- it's like a slap to his face if-" 

"I think Donnie wouldn't mind," Mikey assured effortlessly, "he's already pretty happy that he made you that prosthetic. I'm pretty sure I saw him cry a little bit too when you walked with it, but if you ask him, he'll deny it to his grave."

Leo chuckled softly, "Yeah, I wouldn't put it past him."

"So, I have fresh paint ready to be opened," Mikey grinned, "what's it gonna be?" 

Just like that, Leo felt his troubles lessened.

"You make a very convincing point," he grinned back, "sure, have fun with it. Let's see your magic work."

  
  


*

  
  


Though it was dumb to be nervous, Donnie took one glance at the prosthetic and nodded approvingly. Raph had to double take, and Leo saw for the briefest moment disbelief and hope. Even Splinter squinted at the prosthetic. That's all Leo needed to know Mikey had truly outdone himself.

In all honesty, Leo hadn't thought how different it would change his perspective. But oh boy, did it do wonders for him. 

The wonderful paint job made the prosthetic not so machine like. Ignoring the slight sheen under direct light, one couldn’t tell the difference, couldn’t tell apart machine and flesh. Was he selfish for wanting this? For wanting this pretend normalcy? He couldn’t stand the metal- even if it was donned in blue. 

This gave him his old life back. As if nothing happened.

Leo cherished that more than anything else. He _needed_ this.

“Wanna play?” Mikey’s eyes glint with a knowing look. The youngest held a game title in his hands, the very same one Leo had shamefully lost so many times against Mikey.

He chuckled darkly and said, “Miguel, get ready to have your shell handed to you.”

“Bring it on bro!”

“If either of you break the controllers again,” Donnie butted in, “I’m _not_ fixing it.”

“I’m finding that hard to believe after the first one hundred times you’ve said it,” Leo countered.

“That’s because each and every time it’s broken, you find some way to blackmail _me_ into fixing it.”

“Let’s not argue,” Raph, who had been in the kitchen, intervened with an open bag of cheesy puffs and chomping through them as he spoke, “Leo, don’t break the controller.”

“Wha-” Leo gestured to Mikey, who wore a perfected mask of innocence, and said meaningfully, “I’m _not_ the only one who breaks them.”

“Mikey is a pure summer child," Raph blatantly said, "he would never."

Mikey sniggered behind his hand and Leo let out an exasperated sigh. Why did he bother? Mikey got away with everything. The status of being the youngest in the family practically granted Mikey immunity.

"Leo, whenever you're done here, I'll need you in the lab to run tests," Donnie suddenly said, "I've got an obstacle course set up to test the limits of the prosthetic." 

Obstacle course? Hmm. That does sound interesting. 

Leo nodded, "Got it. I'll head over once I teach Mikey a lesson in pro gaming." 

  
  


*

  
  


Donnie said this was an obstacle. Naturally, Leo assumed he’d go through a Takeshi’s Castle mixed with American Ninja style track. If there was anything he was good at besides being the face man, it was that he was fantastic at athleticism and his competitive drive was off the charts. His many trophies of the lair games were proof enough.

Which is why it was an insult to his face, to his pride, to his skills, when all he saw was a regular track meant more for boy scouts.

“You’re kidding me.”

“No, I am not.”

“Donnie,” Leo nearly whined, “this is a child’s playground, this is as easy as stealing candy from a baby!”

“I know.”

Donnie’s short answers were actually getting under his skin. If Leo had been anyone else, he probably would have yelled in anger or frustration. Alas, Leo was built different. 

“Then why did you create this?”

Donnie was typing something away on his keyboard, monitor coming to life and Leo saw the reflection of a task bar from those lenses his twin liked to wear like second skin.

“Like I said yesterday, we need to test the limits of your prosthetic. We’re going to start at the very beginning and I’ll up the difficulty each time you pass an obstacle.” 

Leo frowned and faced the obstacle again. It was simple enough, metal stands about four feet above from the ground- those were obviously meant for balancing, there were ropes too-meant to walk in between them, a fairly sized rock climb wall, and metal hurdles to jump over. 

“Whenever you’re ready," Donnie said as he sat down to monitor both him and the computer. 

Leo inhaled, stretched his legs and went off. He immediately set for the closest obstacle; the metal stands. He ran straight for it and jumped. Years of practice till he perfected every of Lou Jitsu's moves had him land gracefully at the end of the stand. The stand was stable under his full weight and he smiled in delight. Balancing on top of the stand, one foot past the prosthetic and again, over and over until he crossed the other end, was ridiculously easy. Sure, it was a bit stiff, the prosthetic wasn't exactly as nimble as his real leg, and even if the reminder of such a hindrance had him sulk for a moment, Leo liked the progress nonetheless.

Leo was swift to move to the metal hurdles, a set of ten awaiting for him. He made a running start and hopped over the first one, then the second, and third, fourth, fifth and so on. The padding underneath his stump- under his _knee-_ was uncomfortable every time he landed with the prosthetic. He bitterly smiled. It’s a further reminder of what he’ll never have again and of what he’ll have to get used to for the rest of his life.

Pushing those thoughts away, Leo headed for the next obstacle. His fingers latched onto the plastic purple rocks and he hoisted himself off the ground. He raised his left leg first, maneuvering to place his foot as firmly as he can. He raised the prosthetic next. Immediately, he frowned. The prosthetic wasn’t as flexible as he liked it to be. The lack of toes, the stiff metal foot. He huffed. Fine, whatever. He can still get this done. With teeth gritted and a stubborn deposition, he finally reached the top. Not wanting to repeat the same irritating performance, he ran down the wall instead and jumped off, flipped, and landed gracefully. 

_“Leo!”_ came Donnie’s scolding tone.

Leo shrugged innocently, “I couldn’t resist.”

Donnie narrowed his eyes at him but went back to typing something away on his keyboard. Leo grinned and moved on to the last obstacle. 

There were two tall poles on opposite ends of the lab. Connecting the poles was a thick tan rope high above the ground, and another set of rope on top, meant for holding on in case the person lost balance or for a beginner just starting. Not like Leo will be using that rope. He’s an expert at this stuff.

He climbed the ladder and stood on the mini platform next to the pole. He barely gave it a thought and like all the other obstacles, went straight for it, arms spread out for balance and foot on the rope. Raising the prosthetic, he figured he had this one in the bag already.

Which is why he doesn’t understand why he was suddenly on the ground, groaning in pain as he landed on his shell, rope swaying above him. 

Donnie was immediately at his side, knees bent and hands hovering over him worriedly. Leo hadn’t even seen him move.

“Leo! Are you oka-”

“I’m fine,” Leo said in between gritted teeth and refused Donnie’s outstretched hand as he stood on his own feet.

Donnie eyed him warily, subtly glancing at the prosthetic, “We can stop for now. Obviously your balance is off-”

“It’s _not,”_ Leo cut in and something in his voice or face must have looked abnormal because Donnie flinched and his twin hardly ever flinched, not at _him._

Leo looked away as he felt the wheel of guilt eat at him, “I’m going to try again.”

He didn’t wait for Donnie’s agreement, just climbed back to the mini platform and tried again. He was too wobbly and he braced himself this time as he fell once more, inwardly cursing. He did it again. And again. And once more. All leading to his fall. He fist one hand and punched the floor in frustration, barely feeling the pain. 

This shouldn't be that difficult. 

Why was he having trouble?

Leo closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the ground. He knew why.

"Leo, I think it's time we stopped." 

Leo looked up to see the concerned expression on his twin. Donnie probably thought he was weak. And his twin was right to think so. But it didn't make it any less easier to stomach.

"I just need to practice," Leo insisted, raising to his feet, "I'm not used to the gift you so dearly made for me. Let me at it for a bit- I swear I'll be able to do it by the end of-"

"Usually I'd admire the sudden change from your laid-back attitude but I'm calling the shots here and I say it's time we quit for today."

_You're not the boss of me._ Leo bit his tongue. _Your gift is the reason I can't stay on that stupid rope._ Leo turned away from Donnie's keen eyes. _I love your gift but I hate it. I want to smash it to pieces and throw it away, but I never want to take it off._

Leo inhaled and exhaled slowly. The ugly thoughts died out. 

"Tell me what's wrong." 

Leo felt his heart jump to his throat. Donnie folded his arms, face expectant and impatient.

"Wha- what do you mean bro?" 

Donnie gave him a look and said slowly, "The _prosthetic_ , tell me what's wrong with it. I tailored it to weight as close as possible to your other leg. Theoretically, you should have been able to balance like you used to-”

_Oh great. So the problem is me._

“-but since you didn't, I can only assume the problem must lay in the prosthetic. I saw you struggling at the rock wall too. Is the prosthetic not responding well? Is the padding unreliable? Is it irritating your stump? The computer showed no errors but my tech isn’t always reliable and since I’m not the one who’s using it, you need to tell me what’s wrong so that I can fix it and upgrade it to your needs.”

There’s nothing but sincerity in Donnie’s words. Leo slumped his shoulders.

“It’s not as flexible as I liked it to be,” Leo admitted, “there’s no toes- I- it would help if there were toes. It weights perfectly fine, I’m just- you know, like I said earlier, I need to practice. I need to get used to it.”

“Hmm,” Donnie held his chin in hand, “I didn’t think toes would matter but I’ll get to it for the next prototype. Anything else?”

Leo debated whether to say anything else. Like realizing that the whole time he had used it, it had felt less like a prosthetic. It had started to feel like dead weight in the form of metal. He’s factually aware that as a prosthetic, it will not respond as naturally as his real leg. The prosthetic had its limits. He was going to have to get used to it, whether he liked it or not. Painting over it didn’t erase his problem, it just made it worse for his mindset. And that startling fact made him want to reach the frustration, the rage that had built up that morning. 

Instead, Leo grinned.

“Everything else is perfect hermano. Just get those toes in- I still wanna be able to open a bag of chips with my toesies.”

  
  


*

  
  


Locking away the upsetting obstacle course and letting ignorance overtake him, Leo left the lab to Donnie’s devices and sauntered the lair to find Raph. He hoped he didn’t pass Mikey on the way. He was not ready for another talk with Doctor Feelings.

Narrowly avoiding an enthusiastic Mikey in the kitchen, Leo sighed in relief when he found the large towering form of his red banded brother training. The tonfas hit their target, each hard hit making a dent on the dummy. 

“Hello dear big brother,” Leo began and was immediately scrutinized by Raph, who stopped assaulting the dummy to face him.

“What do you want?” 

“You wound me Raph, I just wanted to say hi-”

“Leo, you only call me ‘dear big brother’ when you want something.”

“That is not entirely true-”

“Yeah and pigs fly,” Raph wiped the sweat off his head and non so subtly looked at his prosthetic, “what’s up? Is there something wrong?”

The immediate concern ticked Leo off, the tightly coiled emotions in him wanting to burst.

Leo plastered on a smile, “Nothing is wrong, I just wanted to ask if we could go topside. I’m tired of the lair, I wanna go out there and have some fun! We can go to Run of the Mill! Or see the sights of the Hidden City! Oh! We can go see that new fantasy movie with the talking dolphins! Heck, at this point, I'm desperate enough to see those wrestling matches too. I just want _out."_

Raph sighed but smiled. Leo punched the air, yelling his delight.

"I haven't even said yes." 

"But I know that face! That face says yes!"

“Yeah, but we gotta ask pops if it’s okay to go topside. And we gotta ask Donnie too.”

Leo made a face he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to.

Raph noticed, “Come on Leo, just for my peace of mind, okay? If they say it’s alright, then we’ll go wherever you want.”

Well, Leo couldn’t be upset over that.

He beamed at Raph, “Really? Wherever I want?”

“Really. I think pops is watching his soap operas right now, so we’ll have to ask after if we don’t wanna get hit in the face.”

“That’s never stopped me before and I’m not about to start now.”

Raph didn’t stop him, just shook his head as Leo eagerly went to search for Splinter.

Soon, he’ll be out of the lair. Maybe then, it’ll help calm down the raging tempest in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. I did not mean to disappear for like a month. School has me very busy and whatever free time I had, I ended up using it to watch TMNT 2003 and I just finished it too. All 7 seasons. Ahaha....ha.
> 
> Also, this chapter was hard to write. I kept rewriting and rewording stuff a lot. I'm trying to transition the next phase of grief and I wanted it to happen naturally, and I hope I conveyed it well in this chapter. So, enjoy! And thank you so much for being patient with my dumbass self. 
> 
> When am I updating the next chapter? Who knows honestly. Could be next week, could be another month. But I will not abandon it. And I really hope I don't eat those words.


	6. Building Up And Down

Splinter was easy to convince. Leo just needed to press some very aggravating buttons under Splinter’s fur and voila, Leo had a free pass topside and a bruise on his head from the terrifying force of a chancla. Donnie on the other hand…

Leo definitely should have controlled his emotions more in that obstacle course.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, you’re still not used to the prosthetic,” Donnie said, doubt written all over the genius’ face.

"Think of this as another test trial," Leo appealed, "we're just gonna eat pizza. We walk there and walk back home. Easy peasy."

“Funny,” Donnie raised a marked eyebrow, “It wasn’t so ‘easy peasy’ in the lab.”

Leo closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way the oldest turtle did not hear that. Especially since the tall form of his brother was standing right beside him.

Raph frowned deeply, “What do you mean? What happened in the lab?”

“I was just cranky-”

“Leo struggled at rock climbing and failed tightrope walking. He kept falling every time he went back up." 

Leo was, of course, bombarded by Raph’s over protective instincts the second Donnie opened his big fat traitorous mouth. 

“Leo! You should have known when to quit! You- you’re not like before! You have a prosthetic! You shouldn’t be acting so reckless! What if you had broken something? I can’t believe you’re still acting so irresponsible after-  _ after _ …”

Ouch. Yeah. That definitely didn’t hurt Leo’s feelings at all. Or jab at his already hurting pride and ineptitude. He suddenly felt the need to hide, away from Raph’s disappointed frown and Donnie’s unreadable emotionless face. Luckily, Raph moved on from him and turned to stare down Donnie, still scolding.

“Donnie, you should have been looking out for him! You should have stopped him!”

Donnie narrowed his eyes, “Hey! I did try but Leo wouldn’t listen- he  _ never _ does! Least of all to me!”

“I resent that,” Leo objected, mildly irritated they were talking about him as if he was a ghost and therefore invisible to their eyes, “and I was doing fine! You’re the one overreacting over nothing!”

“Overreacting?” Donnie hissed, “you looked like you were seconds away from trashing my lab! You were clearly unhappy!”

A fire started to lit in his chest, spreading through his body. He unknowingly harnessed the flame and spat at his twin.

“Fine, I was a little upset, who wouldn’t when you suddenly can’t do the things you used to do!”

“Which is why you should have stopped when you couldn’t do it! You deliberately put yourself at risk- what happens if we go topside!? You’re going to run off and do the same thing!”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to if your stupid prosthetic actually did its job!”

Silence.

Leo’s heart thrummed in his chest, loud, thundering. The anger that had secretly taken ahold of him slipped out, leaving him with the consequences of his actions.

Donnie’s carefully blank expression broke with a flinch. 

“I’m sorry,” Leo quickly blurted out, already feeling the depths of regret and the need to apologize to his genius brother, to his twin who gifted him the prosthetic he loved and hated, the same prosthetic he was using and enabling him to  _ walk, _ “Donnie- I didn’t mean to- that-”

Leo held his hand out and felt a plunge in his stomach when Donnie stepped away from him. 

“Whatever,” Donnie said, voice slightly trembling, “apology accepted.”

Donnie turned his back and walked off. Leo’s throat closed up. He wanted to shout, to yell for his twin’s attention. The words died in his throat. His mouth refused to work. No, he wasn’t done apologizing- he needed to- 

Leo was about to head in the same direction when a heavy hand on his shoulder stopped him. He looked up to see Raph’s shaking head.

“I think it’s best if you two cool off for a bit,” Raph said softly.

“Raph,” Leo began desperately, “I didn’t mean it- I was just-”

“I know Leo. But Donnie’s soft, both outside and inside. I’ll go talk to him.”

With that parting remark, the red banded brother set to follow Donnie’s path. 

Leo dejectedly made his way to the lounge. How much more can he ruin this day? 

He looked down at the prosthetic. The realistic painted metal limb seemed to be mocking him.

  
  


*

  
  


Unlike most families, issues were resolved pretty swiftly among them. Partly because family was all they knew, family were the only people who had your back, and in their case, they were mutants that hid from humans for years. A lasting effect like that only reinforced their trust and love for each other. No matter how angry they were with each other, at the end of the day, there was no one who could replace them.

Mikey nudged him with his elbow, practically jabbing his pointy elbow into his arm so hard, Leo was sure bruises would form. Nonetheless, his attention was redirected from the comic book he had been reading, still stuck on the same page for the past ten or so minutes, to the red and purple cladded brothers walking through the lounge. 

Leo swiftly stood up, prosthetic only mildly discomforting on his stump. 

Donnie stomped toward him. His twin halted in front of him.

“I’m sorry!”

“I’m sorry!”

Donnie blinked at him. Leo grinned slightly. He suppressed the urge to shout ‘jinx!’ and began the speech he mulled over in the time they separated.

“I’m a grade A jerk. But that doesn’t excuse what I said or how I acted in the lab. Donnie, your prosthetic gave me the ability to walk again- I’m overjoyed and I’m so beyond thankful that you built this and gave it to me! I love the prosthetic, I really do, it’s just hard to - I…I keep comparing it to my- to my  _ real _ leg and it frustrates me when I can’t do certain things like I used to. I was frustrated and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have and I’m really  _ really _ sorry.”

Donnie nodded slowly and said, “I’m not good with words or emotions but I kind of understand where you’re coming from. I’m sorry too, for not trusting you enough to know your limits and for thinking you’d still act irresponsible if we left the lair. You’re having a hard time adjusting to the prosthetic and I, in turn, should have known better than to rile you up. As an act of apology, I have agreed to go forward with your plans of a night out.”

Leo’s eyes widened, smiling brightly, “You mean-”

He nearly tripped backwards when Mikey squealed and forced himself in between them.

“We can go out and eat pizza together!?”

Donnie, in a rare case of emotional display, smiled, “Yes Michael.”

Mikey swiped a tear that Leo barely noticed, "I'm so happy you guys forgave each other and I'm so happy we're gonna go family bonding!" 

Suddenly, Leo was lifted off the ground along with Mikey and Donnie. He smiled wider as he was squished against Mikey, Donnie, and the arm strength of his oldest brother.

Raph smiled toothily at them, "I figured it was time for another group hug." 

Leo gave in to the warmth. He wasn't going to reject such an amazing hug. 

  
  


*

  
  


Before they left, Raph had taken his mystical tonfas. Mikey went ahead and grabbed his own mystical weapon. While Donnie opted to not touch or even go near the mystical naginata those weeks ago, his genius brother always took his tech bo with him no matter where.

That left Leo to stare at the ōdachi. 

In all honesty, he never asked where the sword was or what even happened to it. It wasn’t in his room and it wasn’t lying around the lair like a lost lego. The mystical sword, it turned out, was in Splinter’s room. Because Raph was the one who went in and exited with the hilt of the long sword gripped in between his palm. Leo was proud of himself for not recoiling at the sight of it. 

“Here’s your sword Leo,” Raph said, “Pops didn’t want you to have it- he was afraid you’d probably use it when you were still healing. But you’re better now, so, here it is.”

Raph didn’t know. No one did. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mikey frown. Oh no. Leo did not want to cause a commotion nor did he want Doctor Feelings to come out right before he was finally given the green light to get out of the lair. 

A smile crept on his face, an easy going grin he wore so well that none of his brothers should suspect anything. Mikey backed down, albeit confused. Leo forced his hands not to shake as he reached out and took the ōdachi. 

He didn’t spare it a second glance and bared his teeth, cheeks hurting, “Thanks! I missed my baby.”

  
  


*

  
  


It suddenly hit Leo how long it's been since he last went topside. He’d almost forgotten how nice it was, letting the fresh air breeze wash over him as he traversed through the streets, none the wiser that he was wearing a metal limb.

The last time he went topside was a memory he didn’t like to revisit. Rather, it was a memory he wished he could forget. It would be so easy to live in bliss. But life wasn’t easy and for a mutant turtle, it was no different.

Their route wasn’t by rooftops. Instead, they wore human clothes and walked their way to their favorite yokai pizza place. The city nowadays was just too used to weirdos in the streets and hardly anyone blinked at their green skin, weird rounded backs, or unusual beaks. People assumed they were extreme cosplayers and in New York, there were plenty of them around. 

Still, it was unusual for them to take the normal route. He knew his brothers were only doing this for him. He kept his calm composure, letting a mode of zen take him. He will  _ not _ get angry over this. They were looking out for him. And in hindsight, if they had taken the rooftops and if Leo wasn’t able to keep up, that would have definitely made things worse. 

Besides, if he fell while jumping…he’s not sure he can go through it a second time. The ōdachi didn’t feel mystical anymore.

About a block away from the entrance of Run of the Mill, Leo let a genuine smile break through as he glanced at the figure leaning against a street pole. The familiar green and yellow jacket, pigtail hair, the red glasses.

April looked up from her phone and waved as she saw them.

“Hey guys!” she smiled secretly, “guess who just got a raise from her job.”

Mikey threw his hand out in the air, waving madly, “Oh! Oh! Was it you? I bet it was you!”

April’s smile softened and she winked, “Bingo! And guess who’s going to treat you all to a buffet pizza free for all?”

Before anyone could answer with worship thanks and awed eyes, April puffed her chest and said proudly, “That’s right, me! Come on boys, big sister is treating every single one of you. Go wild.”

Minutes later, April was hiding a cry. 

Leo wanted to comfort her but…she did say to go wild. She should have known Mikey would run her wallet dry as the Saharan desert. Stack on that, they were hungry mutant teenagers. Splinter cried that way too on the rare moments they went to the surface and ate at some diner. 

April was muttering, “I love them and sacrifices must be made,” under her breath when Leo poked her arm to grab her attention. 

“So, anything interesting going on?” Leo asked curiously. He was in a jolly mood, for obvious reasons, and he did miss his sister in all but blood. She hadn’t been able to visit as much lately. Which was likely the reason why she got that raise in the first place.

“Other than my boss being a pain in my butt, not really. What about you?”

“I had to use my amazing persuasive skills to come out here. That was  _ not _ fun.”

“Oof,” she winced, “they care about you Leo and you can’t blame them. Heck, I’d probably try to smother you in pillows and never let you leave my sight.”

“Good to know I’ll probably have to recuse your future kids from your overbearing clutches.”

April rolled her eyes good naturedly, “Guess I’ll have to ask Donnie to build me a security so tight, you’ll be swimming with the sharks.”

Leo smirked, “I look forward to the challenge.”

April laughed, if a bit too evilly. They both knew Donnie’s security was airtight but that’s what Leo liked about it. It was a good way to improve his skills.

“Zip your mouth Raph! I need to hear this!”

They both turned their attention to the purple cladded turtle. Donnie had covered Raph’s mouth with his hand as he climbed over Raph to scoot closer to the end of the booth and strained his head to hear a conversation from a table over. The occupants of said table were two yokai that resembled red pandas. Oversized, mean-looking pandas dressed in black suits.

Leo and April looked at each other in exasperation before listening in as well. Mikey happily continued to stuff his mouth, oblivious to the sudden shift.

“…-sold to some snobby goat yokai. I was short a million- a  _ million. _ ”

“This is why you should have waited for me, you numbskull! We could have bought it and split it fifty-fifty.”

“It’s too late now. There goes our plans of buying that glorified tech chip. I bet it wasn’t even  _ worth _ all that money.”

“Every day you surprise me with how stupid you are. That  _ glorified _ tech chip is a rare mystical object! It’s a one of a kind! And now it’s in the hands of some stupid collector, dusting away for eternity.”

"There's still a chance to get it if that yokai goat holds an auction."

"Ha! I'm betting my firstborn that ain't ever gonna happen!"

The conversation shifted to a different subject and Leo had a good hunch why Donnie was so insistent on eavesdropping. A mystical chip must sound like heaven to his tech savvy brother. That, or horror. Based on his twin’s face, it’s a mixture of both.

“Combining tech with mystical energy?” Donnie mumbled, “it’s impossible- at least it should be. Mystical energy has so many unknown variables, how could anyone tangle that with engineered science? It’s a freak of nature-”

“Donnie,” Raph said sternly, finally swatting away Donnie’s hand, “we’ve talked about this. No nerd talk at the table.”

His twin grumbled some more but let the matter go, pondering away in his own little world. Guess Leo won't be seeing his twin out of the lab for the next couple of days. 

“Ah, tortugas, I almost missed you guys. Almost.”

Lo and behold. Leo grinned at Señor Hueso. The skeleton man hadn’t taken their order or greeted them at the front. But he was here now and Leo hadn’t realized how much he missed his friend.

“Awe,” Leo teased, “did you cry over us too?”

“Don’t be silly pepino. I’ve just grown used to your presence. You lot pass by every two or three days without fail. So it did seem odd when no one showed up for almost two weeks.”

Leo blinked. Two weeks.  _ Two weeks?  _ But he'd only been stuck in the lair for about a week-

He glanced at his siblings. Mikey smiled sheepishly. Raph refused to meet his stare. Donnie remained impassive. April crossed her arms. 

Leo collected himself quickly and threw a small grin, "We had some minor family drama. Don't worry Señor, we'll be back to eating your pantry." 

Señor Hueso chuckled, "Of that I have no doubt. Have a safe night." 

Leo waited until Señor Hueso was out of hearing range before sharply narrowing his eyes at his brothers. April was obviously excluded, she was clearly against this slight bit of omission.

"Was no one going to tell me I was out for  _ days?" _

“It didn’t seem relevant,” Donnie was the one who answered with a shrug, “and when you woke up, we were more focused on getting you back to shape.”

Okay, yeah that sounded pretty darn reasonable. 

“We honestly forgot,” Raph said, meeting his stare, “and…none of us wanted to talk about those days.”

Oh. Leo’s shoulders slumped. Just when he thought nothing could add more to his guilt, he was evidently wrong. So, in the time period he came home to waking up, his brothers had been worried sick over him. After all, they thought for a moment he wouldn’t make it. He can’t imagine the stress and worry they must have endured for days. And it was all Leo’s fault, because when is it  _ not _ his fault?

For their sake, Leo mustered up another easy going grin.

“Well, it’s all water under the bridge. I’m awake and up and running. Sort of,” he joked and just as he intended, the mood changed swiftly, moving on to another subject of interest in their night out.

Leo felt lighter than he had in the week locked away in the lair. To the place where his twin had operated on him, to where his eldest and youngest brother donated their blood, to where his father cut off what was remaining, to where his family treated him delicately even if they didn't realize it. So as long as he avoided the infirmary, living at home was at best tolerable.

All too soon, he dreaded heading back to the lair as they walked April home. He tried to shake the feeling off, tried to act more like the aloof and jokester self he was proud of, and it worked for a moment. The anger that had hidden away in some deep crevice of his body felt like it was slowly diminishing bit by bit and he relished in this moment, laughing and joking with his siblings, like they had done so many times before. It felt good to be  _ happy,  _ with nothing dragging him back, not even sparing the metal limb a second thought, too immersed with his siblings.

“Well look at what we have here. My dinner and desert!” A loud voice bellowed and cackled darkly from behind them.

Leo swallowed nervously and faced the mutated chef, still the same as the last time they fought. He’ll be fine. He’s got his brothers and April’s ferocity. Meat Sweats didn’t stand a chance against their force. If he’s lucky, he won’t have to use the ōdachi. But he so badly wanted to  _ fight _ too, wanted to release the pent up frustration, wanted to prove to his family he could still give it as best as he got.

He spoke too soon and realized his wish had just been granted in the worst way possible.

Meat Sweats wasn’t alone. Another party entered the fray and had them surrounded. Two different forms and prominent members of that ridiculous toe clan. Foot Lieutenant and Foot Brute.

“Isn’t today our lucky night,” Foot Brute balled his hands to fists and smacked them against each other as he smirked.

“Ah yes, lucky indeed,” came the raspy voice of Foot Lieutenant, he too grinning evilly.

Well. Donnie did say he wanted to test the limits of the prosthetic. Leo forced his hands to cooperate and clutched the hilt of the ōdachi tightly. 

He clenched his teeth. That damn metal limb better keep up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. This chapter was done and completed earlier than expected. Enjoy.


	7. Plus Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but very meaningful.

Normally, Leo would act calm in a situation like this. He trusted his brothers and knew well enough they could handle themselves just as long as they worked together. They were skillful, clumsy at times but hey, that’s part of the fun right?

That's not to say Leo doesn't trust them at the moment. No, he doesn't trust _himself,_ and he's afraid one wrong move could cause harm to his brothers and sister. 

The ambush wasn’t planned, if the looks Meat Sweats and the Foot guys gave each other were any indication. Not like it mattered. A silent agreement seemed to have passed between them. Villains tended to stick together after all.

And so began the fight.

Leo kept up, tried his darn best to help, to still be the same as before. But things just weren't simple anymore. 

Every swing of the ōdachi felt weak. The sword didn't sing for him anymore. Holding the hilt felt like holding Satan's trident. He didn't trust the sword, didn't trust it wouldn’t scorn him once more. The meaning of a double edged sword couldn't have been more literal. He hated what that meant for him and he hated that he had to realize that now of all times. 

To make matters worse, Leo was lagging behind. The prosthetic didn't give him the flexibility he had relied on for so long. He barely scraped by, narrowly brushing against Meat Sweat’s terrifying chainsaw. Like, where did the mutated chef get that!? Who brings a chainsaw to a fight!?

Worse still, his slip ups were noticed. By both parties. 

Leo clenched his teeth, frustrated as his slowness caused Raph to change opponents swiftly, taking the full weight of Meat Sweats with his mystical tonfas. 

Meat Sweats grinned cruelly at them as they separated, “Is the little blue turtle feeling under the weather today? How delicious! I’ll have you in a soup soon!”

Raph growled, “You’re not going anywhere near Leo!”

Leo nearly wanted to face palm. Great. Let the bad guy know there really was something _wrong_ with him.

Meat Sweats guffawed loudly. The laughter turned to a pained grunt when a dumpster was thrown at him. 

Mikey swung forward with the movements of his weapon, “Sorry but not really!”

A second later, April was thrown across the alley into Raph, who caught her before stumbling onto the ground. Leo gritted his teeth and whirled around in time to parry Foot Brute’s attack, the metal limb doing its job as it stuck to the ground firmly. He couldn’t see the other Foot guy or Donnie.

Before he could worry about it, the ōdachi glinted between them and in a display of fear and hesitance, Foot Brute took advantage.

Leo yelled as he too was thrown, the back of his shell hitting a window. Shattered glass scattered as he rolled onto the floor painfully and came to a complete stop as his side collided against the brick wall. Dizziness overcame him and he took a deep breath to gather his bearings before grudgingly taking up the ōdachi once more. He only had a brief moment to think of how lucky he was to be thrown into an uninhabited warehouse before he was once again on his feet as Foot Brute advanced.

Leo tightened his hold over the hilt. The sound of fighting was muffled from a distance. With how fast paced this brawl was going, chances are it’ll be a while before they notice his absence. Until then, he’s on his own.

“Can’t we take a rain check?” Leo plastered on a full grin, stalling as much as he could, “we both know how this is going to end anyways.”

“Yeah, with your face pummeled to the ground! Grinded like meat!”

Leo pretended to mull over the statement, “Well as fun as that sounds, I’m not in the mood to be a turtle burger.”

“That wasn’t a choice!”

“Could have fooled me.”

He hoped to have heard more banter, to keep this conversation going. Unfortunately, his opponent wasn’t so keen on the idea.

When Foot Brute attacks, he attacks with his _all_ into it. The weight, the technique, the determination to beat the shell out of him. The sword started to feel heavy in his hands as he fervently parried, on the defense and never given the chance to strike. Whatever few openings he saw, he paused, he hesitated. And the chance was gone as swiftly as it came.

Leo clenched his teeth, arms shaking with the effort, and the prosthetic feeling as much as deadweight as the ōdachi. He could portal away, he knew that. But fear took hold of him like a leech, crawling up his spine and whispering an accident he could never forget, a fathom pain he will never recover from.

He looked around instead, trying to form some sort of plan that would get him out of this situation. 

He looked away for a split second and that’s all it took.

He went down hard from the force of the punch, momentarily sucking the air out of him. He wheezed, deprived of the oxygen so suddenly taken. The sword fell from his grasp and he reached out to take it within his hand again when he abruptly found himself dangling in the air, limbs flailing about. 

Leo breathed in shallow pants, heart racing faster than the speed of sound. Foot Brute was holding him by the metal limb. Leo hoped, he _wished,_ the guy hadn’t noticed the difference. 

Foot Brute startled, taking a double take at the limb that looked too real only to shatter that reality with one touch. Leo nearly wanted to let out a hysterical cackle, the blood rushing up his head surely causing him some form of insanity.

“What the….” Foot Brute squinted before widening his eyes and hollered, “You’ve got a fake leg!”

“Say it louder,” Leo spat, keeping up his cocky façade over his fear, “I don’t think the whole world heard you.”

Whatever Foot Brute was going to say, he didn’t get the chance to. 

The wall of the warehouse came down, bricks scattering as easily as the window Leo was thrown into. The form of his towering and oldest brother barged in, wrapped in the familiar red mystical power. Leo heaved a sigh in relief. 

Raph stared at them and his face twisted to one of outraged, "You let him go!"

The big Foot guy chuckled, "Sure, I don't fight _weaklings_ anyways," he snarled and released Leo before rushing towards his red banded brother.

He fell once more, laughing silently as he collided against the hard surface. What’s the point of having a prosthetic if all he’ll do is end up on his behind every time? Heck, even the Foot guy dropped him like the weakling handicap he was. So much for keeping up. He shook his head. There’s no time for that. Raph needed help. 

The ōdachi wasn’t too far as Leo picked it up. Maybe he really has lost his marbles, for the long sword seemed to be mocking him, and he’s sure if it had a face, it would be laughing at him too for how useless he was.

Still, he picked up where he left off and was about to reenter the fray when Foot Brute suddenly jumped away from Raph before disappearing into the shadows of the warehouse. Leo ran up to Raph, all the while keeping a wary eye on the dark room and stood back to back, shell to shell, with his oldest brother.

When a sensible amount of time went by and not a surprise attack or cackling laughter was emitted, Leo released a harsh breath and put away the sword. He couldn’t stand to look at it.

“Leo? Are you alright?” Raph fretted, coming to the same conclusion that they were definitely alone, “I can’t believe he just- he grabbed your- Is your leg okay? Is the prosthetic still doing well-”

“Raph,” Leo cut in bitingly, not wanting to speak on the matter, not wanting to hear anything of it, “everything is fine. We need to look for the others. Come on, they might need our help.”

Raph frowned, and despite the obvious reluctance, eventually gave in at the thought of their other brothers and dear friend, “Meat Sweats got away. Mikey went to look for Donnie and April and that skinny Foot guy they were fighting.”

“Good, we should join them,” Leo plastered on a grin that was hurting his cheeks, “can’t let them have all the fun.”

  
  
  


*

  
  
  


To Leo, it seemed more like these guys just wanted to bash their heads around for a bit. A bit of rough playing for their Saturday night fun. It would explain why they scampered off instead of staying and fighting. The bad guys don’t usually back off unless they have high stakes to fight for. With nothing, it might as well just have been a bar fight except without the bar.

It explained then, why Foot Brute had easily discarded Leo aside like a rag doll in exchange for a shiny new one _._ And when his prosthetic was exposed, he was deemed outright _useless._ After all, the guy had called him a ‘weakling.’ Leo obviously wasn’t a challenge. He wasn’t anything at all.

And normally, who cared what they thought? He could care less about the opinions of a couple of evil dudes. 

But. 

If anything, it showed Leo how pathetic he was. Is. 

What does it say when even your opponent doesn’t deem you worthy enough to fight? It was a sting to his pride. 

Not to mention the way he fought; the hesitance, the second guessing, how he wished to both throw and tightly grip the ōdachi, how _slow_ he felt, the prosthetic that may as well just be a plain old stick, his fear of using the ōdachi like his old ways.

It’s _unfair._

Those thoughts plagued him as they searched for their other siblings. It festered in his mind when they found their siblings. The thoughts gnawed at him as they went back underground, to the home they’ve known all their lives. To the home Leo could barely breathe in without someone asking him every five minutes if he needed help. 

Oh Leo can act. He did so marvelously, with an act worthy of an oscar-winning award that had his family convinced. His siblings retired to do their own thing, brandishing new bruises and sores. Leo went his own way too, dragging the prosthetic along. His destination was not his room, but to the training room no one hardly used at this hour.

Leo glared at the ōdachi in his hand. The glare crumbled to a barely restrained frustrated expression. 

He needed to let loose. He needed an out. He needed _something._

He took out a wooden post. He took his stance, the long sword gripped in his hands. He striked. He swung. And he did it over and over until the feeling in his hands went numb. Hands paler than usual, a ghostly green visage.

He’s breathing heavily once he’s done and throws the sword without the respect he held for it once.

“Are you done?”

Leo snapped his head, startled to have been caught, like a deer in headlights.

Raph smiled, a small sad one, as he gingerly picked up the long sword. Words seemed to have escaped Leo because he couldn’t form any and wasn’t that funny? He was the face man. Words came to him naturally. Words flowed off him like a constant river.

“I am an idiot,” Raph proclaimed, “I shouldn’t have given you your sword back.”

“Why?” Leo snapped before he could stop himself, “Because I’m still weak?”

“Because you’re traumatized,” Raph replied quietly.

Leo couldn't help the hysterical giggle either, “Traumatize? _Me?_ That’s ridiculous. Come on big bro, nothing gets me down-”

“We never asked how it happened, we didn’t wanna force you to tell us,” Raph continued on and Leo swallowed at the turn of conversation, “Pops told us it had something to do with the ōdachi. I thought- well it doesn’t matter what I thought. Something went _really_ wrong, enough to have you scared of using it. Right?”

Leo’s words failed him. He could only nod slowly.

Raph looked at the destroyed wooden post, barely hanging together by splinters.

“Tell me.”

Heart pounding too loudly for his ears, he choked out, “Tell you what?”

“Whatever it is you wanna get off your chest. I’m right here,” Raph stared at him, “whatever you say, I’ll listen.”

It took far too long for Leo, to swim through his haywire emotions, to start.

“I’m angry,” Leo began, hands shaking just the slightest, “about _everything!_

“I’m angry that I’m not happy with the prosthetic! I’m angry the prosthetic can’t keep up with me! I’m angry that it’s not the same! I’m angry at the fucking sword! I’m pissed that I can’t use it like before, and I’m fucking terrified of the stupid sword! I’m scared it’ll take more pieces of me! I’m scared it could do the same to any of you! 

“I’m angry that these- these things are holding me back! I can’t fight- I can’t help- I can’t do anything! I’m angry that all of you treat me like I’m some hospital patient! I’m angry at myself for thinking you should all just go away and leave me alone! I’m angry that I’m useless!

Leo breathed heavily, the rage that had succumbed him slowly ebbed away and he said finally, staring at the prosthetic that should bring him happiness, “I’m angry at myself… because it’s all my fault.”

His vision began to turn blurry and he blinked, hoping to stop the frustrated tears that wanted to release. He reached up to wipe them away but couldn’t as he was suddenly squeezed. Warmth cascaded around him. Belatedly, he realized Raph was hugging him.

The action is so small, so insignificant.

Yet, Leo returned the embrace and sobbed into his oldest brother’s arms. He took the comfort freely given, he took the familiar warmth, he took the soft murmurs, he took the soft pats on his shell.

He cried until there were no more tears to shed. He cried until the last remaining rage emptied out from his body. He sagged against his brother’s hold, suddenly drained and oh so exhausted.

He found his voice and thought, what the hell, he already vented to Raph.

“I mastered it,” he explained slowly and Raph gave a confused hum from above him, “the ōdachi. The night that it happened, I left home and went to the tallest building I could find. I really wanted to control the portals, so I thought the best way to learn was through life or death.”

Raph stiffened but Leo didn’t notice, numbly explaining the memory.

“I jumped off the roof and went for it. I fell and I swung over and over until it finally worked. I had actually _done_ it. I went to so many places that night. I was on the other side of the world in the blink of an eye and to another continent the next blink.”

Leo exhaled and laughed shakily, “And I got pretty confident. I don’t know how it happened but the last portal I went to had nothing. Literally nothing but darkness. I hesitated and my leg was still in that portal when I did. I guess the sword doesn’t like that. Hesitance, I mean. Doubt and all that stuff. Because the next thing I knew, the portal shut closed and my leg was gone. I freaked out but I still managed to portal home. And….yeah. That’s what went down.”

Somehow, Raph had managed to hug him even tighter. To the point where it was getting slightly painful. But Leo didn’t mind it. He craved the affection given.

“Leo, you are not useless,” was the first thing Raph said and the sincerity, the honesty, the unwavering tone of his voice and words helped Leo more than he thought it would, “and this is _not_ your fault.”

A protest was already on his lips but Raph cut him off, “You may not see it now, but it’s not. It’s really not. It was a freak accident. How could that have been your fault?”

The words were so eerily similar to the ones Splinter had told him, back to that day when he cried into his father’s arms too. And again, the words helped, it helped soothe his heavy heart and the whirlwind of emotions in him.

Leo inhaled and hugged back tighter, “Thank you for listening. Thank you… just- thank you.”

“What you said earlier- about jumping off that roof.”

Leo stiffened. Raph sighed.

“That wasn’t safe Leo. That was _far_ from safe.”

“Yeah. I know. I… sorry.”

Leo expected to hear more, to hear a lecture really, because Raph was good at those but he doesn’t.

“Do you feel better?” Raph asked.

And strangely, remarkably, he did. 

“I don’t feel like having another mental breakdown,” Leo chuckled quietly, “so yeah, I do feel better.”

“Do you wanna stay here?”

“No… I wanna go back to my room.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do. Just let me put away the sword.”

Leo waited patiently as Raph went off to store the ōdachi. He didn’t bother to look. He would rather not know where its location was, to be honest. He’d even be fine with never knowing. Maybe not _never_ …

They’re walking side by side when Leo spoke up, “Can we… can you not tell anyone else about what happened back there?”

Raph contemplated and said, “Only if you tell pops.”

Leo hesitated. 

Raph picked up on it, “Please Leo. Just pops. No one else. If you want, I can be there with you when you tell him.”

That, that sounded better, “Yeah, okay, I’d like that. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Raph conceded, “right now, we both need sleep.”

Leo didn’t argue against it. He was barely staying awake on his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big bro Raph coming through and giving that good old comfort.
> 
> Gosh, it is so hard to get back into this mindset of writing. Especially with a couple of fics I'm writing one the side lol. Next update shouldn't take so long but then again, I don't wanna jinx myself soooo until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Leave kudos and comments. Be nice to each other- and to me- and I hope you stick around!
> 
> Tumblr: [Sunnimint](https://sunnimint.tumblr.com/)


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